I did the Eulogy yesterday at the funeral. Since so man of my friends followed my conversations with him a couple of ears ago when he got sick I thought I would post it. When I was a kid I remember many nights watching my dad writing on a yellow legal pad. I remember I asked him one night what he was doing and he said he was writing a speech because he belong to a club called Toastmasters and they got together once a week and everybody got up and practiced giving speeches. He told me that I needed to practice speaking in front of people because someday I might have something important to say And you cant be afraid to get up and say it. As it turns out Ive had to get up and give a lot of speeches to a lot of people in my life. But I think today is the day that what he said actually comes true, because out of all those speeches... today is the day I actually feel like I have something important to say. My dad was a great man. It seems today people sometimes judge successes by the amount of money they have or the fame they achieve. And if thats the way you choose to judge a persons life then maybe my dad wouldnt make the cut. But if thats the way you judge a person life my dad wouldnt have been very interested in what you thought anyway. But if you judge a person life through their actions, their work, their sense of common decency and fairness, the respect of the people who know them, their dedication to family and friends, their desire to help people in need and by their unconditional love and acceptance of their children, then my dad is the way you measure greatness. My dad didn’t have any easy time growing up. His family moved over and over … until finally when he was 15 years old he told his dad if they moved again he wasnt going with them. Sure enough my grandfather came to him and said they were moving again and my dad told him that was fine but he wasnt going. So he and his 17 year old brother Darryl set out to build our own lives on their own terms. It wasn’t an easy life to build. My dad had to work hard. And he believed that hard work was the foundation that a person should use to build their life. Dad valued effort and he valued hard work. He never graduated high school and the principal told him he would never amount to anything and he would eventually end up in jail. Year’s later dad ran into that principal again and told him what he was doing and reminded him of what he had said to him all those years earlier. The principal told him that he was amazed and apologized for what he had said. Dad took great pleasure in that apology. He joined the army during the Korean War and when this service was done he came home and married my mom. He went to college on the GI Bill. And he went to school during day and he worked at night. And I think its important to say he was very grateful for the rest of his life for the GI Bill and said so many times. In 1963 He became president of a little credit union that was run out of a small room in City Hall. In 1972 they built a new credit union building and the credit union was worth millions of dollars. He loved his job. Credit Unions had a slogan in those days… people helping people. My dad really believed in that slogan. Over the years Ive heard dozens of stories from people who were in real trouble and had nowhere to turn and my dad figured out a way to get them a loan to get them through. He once even took a rocking chair as collateral on a loan, now some of my Dads credit unions friends are here today and they will tell you that taking rocking chairs as collateral is probably not the kind of thing you want the federal auditors to see on the books. My dad was greatly admired and respected by his peers in the credit union movement as well as the members of the credit union he served. But my dad didn’t just work in an office. He worked all the time, he would come home from the office change clothes and go in the garage and he would build something. He might find a rusted out car in a field and completely restore like it just came off the showroom floor. He basically had a part time bicycle workshop in the garage and neighborhood kids would bring their bicycles by because my dad was always ready to fix a kids bicycle, and kids just liked to come by and watch him work in the garage. The truth is he could build or fix just about anything. Now there was a time when his fixing skills didn’t serve him so well. When I was around 10 years old it seems everything I owned was made out of some kind of plastic. Somehow dad decided applying heat was way to fix all plastic toys. The results was a period of 6 months to a year where he melted dozens of toys. The final straw for me came when he melted my football helmet ….which by the way I did not let him forget for the next 40 years. I also did not ask him to fix any more plastic toys. I remember once being with a couple of my friends Dennis Skelton and Mark Hernandez. Dennis asked me what my dad did beside work, what he did for fun. Mark immediately answered the question and said, he works. He works for fun and hes not real fond of people who dont. My dad believed in common decency and fairness. He believed in treating people equally, he believed you needed to take a hard look at where people came from and the obstacles they had to face before you presumed to be their judge. More than once in my life I got a lecture about how harsh and judgmental I was toward other people. But thats not to say that his sense of fairness might not have pushed him a little too far at times. I once had a small aquarium that had a few fish in it. One day at a pet store I saw a very colorful fish. I cant remember the name exactly but it was some kind of fighting fish. I got one and brought it home and this fish took great pleasure in terrifying and chasing the other fish around. After a couple of days my dad decided that the fish needed to be taught a lesson. So he got a pair of scissors and begin chasing the fighting fish around in the aquarium to show him how it felt. Well after about 15 minutes the fish zigged when he should have zagged and dad cut him in half with a pair of scissors. Dad felt really bad about it, but I learned a valuable lesson that day about how to deal with bullies. I also should mention here that once when I was about 7 years old I hit a girl. When my dad learned about it he was not happy to say the least. I didnt get many spankings in my life, usually he would just take off his belt and snap it a few times and everything would come to order. But I remember this spanking very well. Now I complained bitterly that she hit me first. And to me it seemed perfectly justified under one of his other rules; never start a fight but never run from one either. That was the day I learned that some rules supersede others and just for the record I still have a great fear of arguments with girls. If you had to use one word to sum up my father in a nutshell it would be respect. I don’t know a single person who ever met my dad who did not have great respect for him. My dad lived his life for his family and not for himself. He was not big on sitting you down and handing out words of wisdom but he showed you how a person should live by his actions. There are four of us kids. And I dont believe anyone of us never asked the question of him will you be there. It didnt matter if it was a football game or a baseball game or Robbie was cheerleading at a game or Teresa was playing volleyball or it was a school play he was there. When my dad got sick his greatest worry was who would take care of his kids and especially his grandsons. He got sick a couple of years ago I spent a lot of time with him in the hospital. He kept talking about some song and saying it’s my job. So I went and looked up the song and listened to it. I called Robbie and told her about the song and that I thought the song was somehow about me. But Robbie said it was a song she had heard a long time ago and she had given it to dad because it described how she felt about him. Then I understood why it meant so much to him and why he kept talking about it. They are going to play the song in few minutes and I think it is safe to say that the song is really about how all of us kids feel about dad. It would be an easy thing to say here that my dad loved his kids more than anything in the world. But it wouldnt be true. What he loved more than anything else was my mother. Im not sure I should tell the story but I’m going to do it anyway. My sister Robbie and I are the incredible smart alec. We used to play a game called attack the TV. The idea was to watch TV and constantly try to make smart alek remarks about whatever was on tv and try to be the make the funniest wisecracks. One day were in full attack the TV mode and were really on a roll I think we were watching Oprah which just made the game really easy. My mother was in the kitchen working on something like she always was and she finally got tired of listening to us and came in and told us to knock it off. Being in super smart alec mode we both decided to pop out some clever remark. Mom just went back in the kitchen. A few hours later we were sitting on the couch still thinking about how clever and entertaining we were and laughing when my dad walked into the house. You could feel the air change in the room. He came in walked over and stood directly over us about two feet away from where we sat on the couch. He looked us directly in the eye and said Im going to tell you two something. You may think your little game is clever and cute. But that is my wife youre talking to. And you nor any other person walking the face of the earth will talk to or treat her that that way. You are my children and I love you but if you ever do anything like that again I will pack everything you own I will pile it in the street I will set it on fire and you two will never walk through that front door again. And he walked away. My dad never made an idle threat in his life and televisions in moms house have been safe from attack ever since. The last words my dad ever spoke were to tell my mom how much he loved her. My dad was all about responsibility. I would defy anyone to show me an example of my dad ever failing to meet a responsibility of any kind. This may seem like a small or odd thing to serve as an example but I remember being with him once somewhere and he was applying for credit to buy something maybe a washer or dryer. I remember the guy coming back after going and doing the paperwork and coming out and saying to my dad you have the highest credit score of anyone I have ever seen in my life. My dad was not a prideful man. He was always trying to do better at whatever it was. But I could tell that he was very pleased when the guy mention his credit score. It was a simple thing but it was the kind of thing that meant something to my dad. When I was in the 5th grade I got picked to be the lead in a school play. About 3 days before the play I learned that the Dallas Cowboys were coming to Amarillo to play basketball against the local police department. I told dad it was the same night as the play and I could skip the play and we could go. They could get another kid for the play and it would not be a big deal. He told me no that I had made a commitment to be somewhere and people were counting me and that I would be at that play. That set off a war of wills and one of the most epic temper tantrums and angry fits ever thrown buy a 10 year old kid. I was relentless and I was angry. The night of the play we all went and I did what I was supposed to do. But I was angry and I was miserable and I didnt hide it. When my part in the play was over I went out and sat down in the audience next to dad. I sat there for a few minutes fuming and hating it and thinking about the Dallas Cowboys. After a few minutes he tapped me on the leg and said you come with me. We got in the car and he turned to me and said. Im going to tell you something. You’re going to want a lot of things in your life and thats okay, its good to want things and its good to work hard to get them. But it is not ok to act like the world owes you something and you deserve to get something just because you want it. And most of all it is never okay to break a commitment you made to someone in order to do something for yourself. He said I am going to take you to see the Cowboys tonight not because of the way you have acted but because you’re going to work your butt off for the next two to make up for the way you have acted and so that you deserve to go tonight. Now lets go see the Cowboys play basketball ….and we did. I still remember the speech but it is not a lesson I learned very well. My dad spent a great deal of his life, time and energy bailing people out from stupid decisions and mistakes. He took care of his brothers, he took care of his parents and a lot of other people because he was the guy that people went to for answers and he was the guy that would bail you out when you had nowhere else to go. Believe me there were a lot of those people in his life. But I was always the one at the front of that line. It’s not something Im proud of. I remember once he had loaned me a car because I had broken mine and of course he was having to fix it so he loaned me a car. I cant remember what it was but there was something I was supposed to do that day, but instead my friend Mark and I came up with a better idea and decided to go to a bar. This of course did not make him real happy and when Mark and I came out of the bar the car was gone. I called dad and told him the car had been stolen and I was all freaked out. He told me the car wasnt stolen he had come and gotten it and taken it home because had not done what I was supposed to that day. I of course threw a fit and we had a big argument on the phone. Mark and I went back inside the bar and we started to talk about my dad. I remember telling Mark that there is just no way that I would ever live up to or be my dad and at that moment I was really feeling the weight of it. Mark looked at me and said, give yourself a break none of us are ever going to be your dad. I suddenly felt better because I realized he was right that it wasnt just me, no one could live up to my dad’s example. Mark has been like a brother to me since the 7th grade. And my dad treated him like he was my brother. He used to tell us you two aren’t worth killing. And he was right for period of time we were pretty worthless. But the truth is Mark grew up to be just like my dad and it made my dad very proud. He used to say, that Mark made something of himself and he is a fine man. He was very proud of you Mark. 35 years later I reminded dad of that night he took the car. And I told him about my conversation with Mark. I told him how what Mark said made me feel better because it wasn’t just me that couldnt live up to who he was. I know dad understood what I was trying to say and that I was trying to apologize and say I respected him. But dad being dad he wasnt going to get sucked into that moment. He just looked at me and said well you could have at least tried a little harder. And we both broke out laughing and I said well that is a fair point. I gave my dad every reason to say enough is enough and to turn his back on me and say youre on your own more than once. For someone who basically never ask anyone for anything from the time he was 15 years old it must have just seemed incomprehensible the things he had to go through with me. But he saved me, he forgave me and he still loved me every single time. He is gone now and he will not be here to bail me out anymore. But I don’t worry about it. If I just stop and think what would dad say and what would dad do I will be fine. And if from this point I could be half the man he was I would consider my life a spectacular success. I know I will never live up to who and what my dad was, and the thing is, in his heart he was always ok with that…and I think now I think maybe I am too. But just between me and him I promise I am going to try a little harder from now on.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 13:16:02 +0000
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