I didnt write this. Abbys old roommate is pretty funny, so I couldnt help but steal this from her. Hope she doesnt mind. Top 6 reasons why it sucks to be a newborn: 1. Your food tastes like pennies dipped in battery acid, or something even worse. 2. Diapers. While wearing diapers sounds awesome for certain situations (examples: while riding public transportation or when youre really comfortable on the couch during a Dr. Phil marathon), its gotta suck to be constantly wearing your own poop or pee. Not to mention, how about NO THANKS to people always sniffing your butt to see whats going on down below. Rude. 3. Youre basically blind, but you can see anything that just randomly appears about 8 inches in front of your face. Can you imagine seeing nothing and then all of a sudden a huge face (or boob) pops into your horrible field of vision? Its like living in a haunted house all day. Terrifying. 4. Swaddling. Sorry, but it looks like a straight jacket and it makes me feel claustrophobic. Also, being strapped to another human being all day can NOT be fun, I dont care how soothing baby wearing is. Talk about sweaty. Plus, if the person youre strapped to didnt shower today (which is very possible), gross. 5. Your body parts basically have a mind of their own. Even your eyes go where ever they want, whenever they want to. Feel like taking a nap? Too bad. Your own arms are gonna scare the crap out of you. Not to mention, your neck is about as helpful as Apple Maps, so your head could possibly fall off at any moment. I bet every moment of being a newborn is a WTF type of moment. 6. What if you have an itch? Most babies have to wear those torture devices known as scratch mittens, so even if you could control your body, you cant itch ANYTHING. Being a newborn sucks and I feel your pain, Kyle.
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 20:39:23 +0000
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