I dont know how else to say this to people so Im just going to say it and hopefully everyone who truly cares about me understands and can be somewhat compassionate. I am severely overloaded! FOR YEARS Ive been battling depression,attempting to be a good soilder, putting on a brave face and TRYING to do what I need to do but now I need to work on me! I need to focus on my own mental stability and deal with my own issues. Im sorry if youre in the midst of something or youre relying on me to say something, do something or something for you but I cannot do this now. My life feels like its shreading before my eyes and I am hanging onto this little thread HOPING, just HOPING, that when it frays I can somehow, someway put it back together!!! I want to focus on my own path, I want to find my own bliss, and I want to do that without this nagging feeling of guilt eating away at me, causing me to feel anxious and worried about everyone aroumd me! You are responsible for you. I am responsible for me! I feel broken! I feel desperate and in feeling this way I am jeopardizing my own mental health, my own well-being and I cannot do this anymore!!! As Im writing this I know it sounds intensely selfish and self-serving but if Im not taking care of myself I cannot take care of anyone else. The bottomline is I want to live a somewhat anxiety- free exsistance, where theres no constant fear, where when Im happy I dont have to feel guilty, and when I go to bed at night Im not afraid that something awful will be waiting for me when I wake up. I hope everyone can understand that.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Apr 2014 22:58:23 +0000
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