I found this after something knocked over a trashcan outside and woke me up. Listening to it I realized so much all at once. I heard my own voice singing the words to me. To ME. For the longest time now, I have let myself believe that I am to blame when someone I love chooses to allow fear or anger to govern their interactions with me. I have listened to doubts and accusations justified by false perceptions. I have accepted having demonstrations of love withheld as punishment. I of course didnt deserve any apologies or efforts to heal my wounds because the only reason anyone would ever do something cruel in anger to cause me pain is because Im a wicked sinner that drove them to it. And then I would sit and wait for these self appointed judges to come and redeem me - like I was under some sort of lock and key. But even if someone had come and moved to try and restore me, it would have been in vain. I was caged, but not by an evil attacker - or an angel driven to righteous cruelty - and I was waiting for the responsible party to restore and give me back my faith in myself. Faith which of course can only be given or denied by one person - ME. Because I DO know myself - and this is where the injuries gained their crippling force - words from others coupled with actions are theirs and theirs alone. But to tell myself a lie, that is the ultimate betrayal - only I know myself inside and out and having the courage to embrace this masons tool - this wheel of immovable conviction - the is no need to fight for my art or to fight for of with anything at all. And yes - loved ones and lovers alike may act in fear. Or throw stones in anger. But I can fly - and the stones cannot. Pain will come. There will be losses never regained. That IS what makes them losses. Thinking theres no other? There never was. And suddenly loss becomes impersonal because the only thing that ever was - that I ever needed - is still right here. Me. https://youtube/watch?v=fdY3NqmCydY I Can Fly You had me caged up like a bird in mid-summer You saw me waiting I was crazy on fire waiting to fly I Can Fly I had bright wishes in the summer, I was bathing in sunlight I was painting in the garden like a ghost in Mid-July Running fast from something with my eyes wide like Saucers spinning in the sun I had a dream that I was fine I wasnt crazy, I was divine I Can Fly You had me caged up like a bird in mid-summer You saw me waiting I was crazy on fire waiting to fly I Can Fly Your lies were hard kisses in the summer I was dreaming of a lake Dreaming of the water where Id rise like a Phoenix Soaring iron from the fire Ive got things to tell you like I know that youre a liar I had a dream that I was fine I wasnt crazy, I was divine I Can Fly You had me caged up like a bird in mid-summer You saw me waiting I was crazy on fire waiting to fly I Can Fly Your words cut like a knife and butter I was fighting for my art Fighting with my lover, you had me so tied up Thinking theres no other Yeah, right Yeah, right I Can Fly You had me caged up like a bird in mid-summer You saw me waiting I was crazy on fire waiting to fly I Can Fly Source: directlyrics/lana-del-rey-i-can-fly-lyrics.html
Posted on: Wed, 24 Dec 2014 15:08:17 +0000
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