I had a bad day the other day. I was in tears. A not-so-nice man came to my class and I left thinking why why? I sat in traffic on the 405 (for those non LA dwellers, its an awful span of highway known here as freeway, but I can assure one never feels free on the 405) and I blasted rap music and I said why why? I came home, and yes, wallowed in my own suckery. That night I taught a spectacular class. I mean, the kind of class where years from now, over a glass of wine, I will think back and say, yes, that one. I played a song and everyone sang. Even the men. Even the godawful singers like me. So I remembered a few things that day: 1) one asshole doesnt maketh a world full of assholes (even though at the time it may feel that way.) 2) If you look around for assholes and only expect assholes to show up, lo and behold, guess what shows up? 3) The very worst day in the world and the very best day in the world can be the same day. Irony at its finest. 4) Singing out loud cures most things. 5) Life ebbs and flows. Every once in a while the ebb outweighs the flow but mostly the flow has got your back. (Whats up, Flo! You got me?) 6) A bump in the road is not the end of the world. Just wear your seatbelt so your head doesnt hit the roof too hard. And if it does, bandage it up and move on. It will heal. I found an old poem I wrote. Here is an excerpt: When I stopped asking why? Why being the question at the center of the universe until I understood that it wasn’t the why I should be waiting for to open it’s jaws and answer. That why would swallow me whole , That I would burst into flames if I looked directly into it. It would eclipse me and never stop telling me all the reasons why. When I started to see that the why didn’t matter All those years I spent, a little girl fisting the sky- I was throwing punches into the air, into my pillows, into my dolls, Waiting for word. I waited for so long with open ears- That I went deaf. And then I asked Why me? Why can’t I hear? I started talking to drown the ringing, I started singing to kill the ocean in my ears. Why was still the land of my birth. The place I hung my hat, Where I called my home. Until I stopped asking why From my grip it fell, My fist opened and the why Slipped into the sky Like it belonged there And I watched it hover Then float. And I accepted what I was. * I guess Im saying we all need to sing more. And not be assholes. And not ask why me? all the time. And really, what Im saying is that if we are human then we are bound to have a couple shitty days now and again, but whoa, slow down- that doesnt mean a shitty life. It just means were human. Which is good. Relish that. Goodnight. Love you guys xxjen
Posted on: Fri, 25 Apr 2014 05:12:38 +0000
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