I had a mammogram last Friday, and because a very tiny, slightly questionable spot showed up – I am scheduled for a biopsy next Tuesday, the 30th. I was hoping for a sooner appointment, but I’m going to have to sweat it out for a week…and then another 3 – 5 days to get the results. I had some previous surgery which left scar tissue, etc. – and the radiologist is fairly certain that is what she is seeing. Such things can cause something to look abnormal on a mammogram, when really, it is totally harmless. But she doesn’t want me to take any chances – and I agree with that. Especially since I have a family history of breast cancer – my sister had it two years ago, and two of my aunts on my father’s side both died from it. I have always hated most medical procedures, so I am not looking forward to this procedure, though I heard it’s not bad. Still, I just want to get it over with – ASAP. I hate waiting and not knowing what exactly I’m dealing with – it drives me crazy! The waiting is worse than anything…but I am using this time to draw closer to my Lord…and learn how to trust Him even more so. Given what an extremely anxious and fearful person I used to be…I would have been practically on the floor in a melt-down, crying and emotionally out of control – not too long ago. But I took the news very calmly…and I am still calm and OK. This says a LOT about how far I’ve come in my faith…what a wondrous thing the Lord has done within me…and although I am still a “work in progress”, I know I have come a long way…and He is worthy of tremendous glory because of that! He alone is the ONLY explanation for my ability to handle this situation and remain stable, emotionally. For me to fall apart would reveal a weak, easily shaken faith within me…and could even damage my testimony for Him…as others observe how I respond to a trial. But the tears do come in my private moments with Him…and I feel Him so close to me…loving me and comforting me…in a way that I cannot even explain. Although I am not scared…the situation has cast a dark shadow over me. But every time those feelings start to come upon me…I simply stop what I’m doing...and just worship Him, and tell Him how much I love Him…and the feelings dissipate. The privilege of worshipping Him infuses my soul with such joy. I know I am not alone…I belong to my Heavenly Father…I am His. Whatever happens to me…happens because He has allowed it for a particular reason – a good reason that I may never understand...on this side of Eternity. I know that He allows trials because that is how our trust in Him is developed and strengthened. And I love Him and trust Him…no matter what the outcome…my life…my entire being…is in His loving and secure hands. I know He is with me - every step of the way - holding me in His arms. Please keep me in your prayers – that I may continue to experience His peace…the peace that passes all understanding…and to be anxious for NOTHING…over the next couple of weeks.
Posted on: Tue, 23 Sep 2014 00:14:48 +0000
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