I had my first son just over two years ago, and as much as I was surprised I was about to have a baby I was overjoyed… from the minute I found out I was having a baby I had a bond with him. When he was born I was still happy but when my partner had to return to work I felt sick, I didnt want to be alone. I was worried what if something happened? I would go to the shops just so I wasnt alone, at night it was even worse he was a great sleeper and was only waking four hourly for a feed right from the day he was born… though I found myself scared of him… I never sort help as all I could think was people will think I’m crazy and take my baby away. I loved him too much to have that happen. Thankfully when he was three months old this all passed and I loved every moment (this happened to be the same time he stopped waking overnight). Fast forward to June the next year… I had just given birth to my youngest son. The minute I saw him I cried… I was so relived he was born healthy and happy. My labour was good, I had an almost water birth (had to get out at the last minute) and was what I had wanted… though I had no support from anyone during the labour except my midwife.. I thought this didnt matter… I went home the same day he was born as I missed my older son too much. Two days later I was really feeling down… everyone kept telling me it was the baby blues and would go away… I wasnt so sure but clung on to that thought. After three weeks of things not getting better, a baby that wouldnt sleep, was constantly bringing his milk up, I had no bond with him, I felt resentment towards him for making things so hard and I blamed him for making me feel like I couldnt cope. It was all too much. After what happened with my first, I was worried I’d feel the same again which is why I called my midwife, she put me in contact with a child health nurse who came out and saw me and my bub. I told her what was going on; she listened and came back again a week later. The next time she came she decided I need to talk to my GP, and got me into a group for post natal depression. When time came for me to go to the group I didn’t want to go, but I forced myself to - and am glad I did. I still talk to a counsellor. My baby is now nine months old. I have bonded with him, all the resentment I had for him has gone and I enjoy being his mum. In no way am I fully recovered but I am on the way. I no longer cry every day; I look forward to watching my kids grow. I know things will get better, and talking about it has made it better I think everyone who feels this way should reach out to someone - your doctor, child health nurse… anybody who will listen.
Posted on: Sun, 26 Oct 2014 05:41:17 +0000
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