I hate being a woman who is plain it drives me insane and it feels like I have taken a bullet to my brain . Ever since I was called a delusional goofy looking loser by someone I loved there is hurt I cant seem to raise above. I hate being ugly it puts every other girl above me , and causes men not to love me. I hate being weak I can never be what a man seeks . I hate being a looser no matter how hard I work or how hard I try , I can never be good enough. I am sick of feeling depressed, down, worthless, useless and like I am not good enough for any man. All because someone thought they could use me then throw me away like yesterdays news, and leave me feeling lost, dazed, confused, and downright abused. When I was young , I never thought I was going to be one of those bottom of the barrel women who no man wants , but is only subjected to their taunts , at the butt of their jokes, or the pawn in their games. Either overlooked, made fun of , or ignored. Even for the nice guys out there, I am thought of like their sister, mother, or worse yet even a brother. When choosing someone to date or to be their mate they always choose another . I have to change who I am, because my ways are stupid ,dumb, weird and downright strange. Hopefully with change I will finally be worthy of the kind of love I seek, and that is a love that is deep and one that will never end and on which I can always depend. I know God s love is always there, and that his love is beyond compare. But it would sure be nice to have a companion in this life , with whom to build a home , have a family , and to share my hopes and dreams and who will always be a part of my team, and show me that the best days of my life are not over, and life is not as bad and lonely as it now seems.., Tell me that pain like this ends!! I am sick of feeling lonely and hurt and like life is passing me by , as I set here alone with nobody by my side, it makes me want to die. But with how dumb and silly I act , and how ugly and plain I am,why would anyone choose someone like me. I guess being alone must be my fate. Being alone is better then getting hurt again, or getting used and abused by someone who claims to care, but in the end when they decide that things are not fun , and they want to be done, everything turns out to be pretend and they hate me so much they dont want to talk to me ever again and I cant even be called an old friend . I am waiting on a man that will value my heart and see my worth and is not just after a hot girl in a skirt. Everyday the hole in my heart and soul is mended just a little more from that man that seemed to want nothing more then to score, doesnt want like or even respect me anymore , and thought it alright to not only break my heart, but completely destroy me with his words and rip me apart . Those words still hurt me to my core, and send pain through every pore. I cant help I am not blessed with beauty. I wish I was a hottie or had a better body. Maybe if I was cuter, taller, or my nose and waist a little smaller , I could make the grade and that man might have loved me and he might have stayed. My looks and awkwardness are something I really cannot change , so I guess I will always be deranged.
Posted on: Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:31:54 +0000
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