I just had a moment - One of many that happens often. And it frustrated me beyond belief. Im used to saying I have 4 children and when asked, I still say I have 4. I explain if need be that he passed. Sometimes i just keep it to myself. - Saying it like that, how many i have, isnt a problem - That will never change. I dont worry about what people say or think, because, well, I HAVE 4 children. The thing is though, Im noticing that as life goes on without Squishy (ugh), I cant pretend hes here when he isnt. So when things happen in conversation like earlier, where i was talking about my girl to boy ratio, and when they get older, i said Im 3 to 1 ... Well, I mean, i am, always will be... But... I was speaking in terms of here, and when they get older. I had to correct myself, 2 to 1, so when they get older..etc.. I corrected myself because he will not be here TO grow up, and i looked a little crazy for a second. Which, people have come to understand, but still. Anyway, Then one day someone, referencing me, said Yeah, She has 3 kids and i felt my face turn hot. I understood - Do understand - but it doesnt change the fact that it BOTHERS me. I know that i have 3 children HERE, and that is what people look at when discussing how many for a table at a restaurant, or how many in your household, or how many does she have... But i guess my point is, I just want my baby back, and i wish i didnt have to face the fact that hes NOT here any more. Sigh. End rant. Thanks for listening.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Oct 2013 01:08:21 +0000
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