I know that times have changed and we are living in the days of all things casual. I know that some people have casual weddings, often outside in the afternoon. I also know, because I wrote the guest list and the invitations that you all have met me, and should know it is my wedding you are attending. Being that you know me, you have all correctly assumed that since my wedding is not at the beach and I am in fact still me, it is a formal event. I say this so you realize the following guidelines are not being directed at any of you personally and are due to many various thoughts and sources, largely from people or posts not related to my friends and guest list. However, as I had these things in my head and started ranting about them, they amused me enough to collect and share with you all. This is a wedding, it is a SPECIAL occasion. Dress accordingly. 1) Shorts, clothing with tears and extra wear holes or anything that has a thumb hole, are not appropriate. 2) If your choice of head covering would be thrown out of a haberdashery with disdain, you should leave it at home. If you just had to Google search haberdashery, forgo attempts at head-wear. 3) Your tutu should attend some other event. 4) While you dont need a suit and tie, a jacket or vest with tie would be a wise minimum. 5) Nice jeans a dress shirt and sport coat - This is Texas, I will take it. 6) Tennis shoes should only appear if being worn ironically with your tuxedo because you are actually an 80s movie character and plan to snort coke in the bathroom while planning your great escape from the mundane. 7) If you feel that a tie and/or a jacket is simply more than you can bear for the 30 minutes before the ceremony is over and we have moved to cocktail hour, find a nice vest, and stop whining. 8) Yes, you in fact should tuck your shirt in. 9) If I can see the skin on your fingers, those are not the appropriate style of glove. Unless of course, you came in with Cyndi Lauper and Madonna and you have used more than one can of AquaNet in getting ready. 10) If I can tell what color your underwear is from 15 feet away, or even 3, I will cause it to have a color change. I will leave how to your fears. 11) Of Course your dress Kilt is welcome, your utilakilt and combat boots will get you locked in an echo chamber with a bagpiper however. 12) Black does not formal make. We can all still see it is a tee shirt. Put a snazzy sport coat and a gold medallion over that shit, unless it is a tuxedo shirt, in which case, the crocodile is waiting for you just over that bridge to the left. 13) Please remember, your wedding attire should not be easily confused with your club wear. This means your platform, acrylic light up heeled go go boots get the night off. 14) No one should be able to see the shape of your nipples from across the table or across the room. 15) We all love that jacked up tramp stamp you got back in the summer of 2000, but it clashes with the flower arrangements, and that is just rude. 16) Yes I know they are shiny and satin and make your ass look amazing, but your hotpants are in fact not appropriate, even with gold heels and your backless top. See rule 12. 17) Ladies, if you choose to wear a white dress to a wedding expect to have a wine or paintball colored dress when you leave. I am sure that I have missed some things, feel free to add on as you see need. Special thanks to Jamil Sneed and Ashley McDaniel for their contributions to this list.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Oct 2013 04:20:15 +0000
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