I sit here trying to work and find that I am thinking of Trevor and remembering so many of the great times I had with him alone and as a family. Getting through the day is hard and trying to find a new normal seems near impossible but we are moving forward day by day. For those of you that have never lost a child you may only be able look on and try and truly understand. I get that now. I too thought I could relate to what it would feel like to give your child to Heaven. I was wrong. Please take the pain and suffering you think you would feel and multiply it. Just when you think youve multiplied it enough have someone kick you in the stomach. Then start there. I am not one to post many things about myself on FB, but this new life is too big to wallow in alone. In the past 4 weeks we have come so far and yet only taken baby steps in dealing with our loss. We try and put square pegs in round holes as we strain for answers, ideas or theories on what happened. We enjoy the company of friends and neighbors who visit and let us either talk about our feelings at the moment or release us from our chains and bring new stories or experiences for us to talk about and share in. This is uncharted territory for us and we are doing the best we can to find our way to our new life. Trevor is always with us and his loss is felt in so many ways. The holidays are soon to arrive and with them will be the firsts that come with them. As we bring out the Halloween costumes of years past we will remember Trevor and his love of Candy and sweets. Thanksgiving will bring his empty chair and the many desserts he would be saving room for. Christmas will bring an empty stocking and presents we were holding for him to enjoy. All such bittersweet memories for us to look forward to all the while knowing that we HAVE to accept that Trevor is no longer here. While we may look like we are doing okay we are not. While we may find moments that we string together and smile there are many more that we are not. So be patient with us as we ride on this roller coaster. Stay aware that we are hurting and will be for years to come as firsts move on to seconds. Years go by slowly when they hurt. For those of you that have lost a child you already know. Thank you for your support. For those of you that havent thank you for your patience and for doing your best to understand. I believe that God is here with us and he is helping us deal with our loss. I am grateful for all that God has given us and for the time we had with Trevor. But I miss Trevor now and only time will ease that pain. 4 weeks...and it seems like only yesterday. I love you Trevie!
Posted on: Wed, 17 Sep 2014 17:21:20 +0000
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