I think one of the constants in human history is that each generation credits itself with more originality than it actually deserves. While there are lots of examples I could give of this phenomenon, what I specifically have in mind is when young people go off to college and think they invented partying. Trust me, Biff, you did not invent the beer bong, jungle juice, or drawing dicks on people with magic markers when they pass out. What, you think we don’t know you do that? Look, I’m not coming down on you. My generation thought we invented that, too. Thing is, that shit has been going on for a long, long time. Hell, we’ve had presidents (George W. Bush comes to mind) who have had dicks drawn on them when they were passed out. It’s a proud tradition. “Not my dad,” you say. “He’s never been fun.” Come on, Junior. Your dad was every bit the idiot then that you are now. It comes with being an 18-year-old. If you’re a college freshman, the timing makes it possible that I drew a dick on your dad when he was passed out. I suppose it’s conceivable that he did the same thing to me (if you’re wondering how I might be unclear on such an important point, keep in mind that the event, if it occurred, happened while I was unconscious). It’s not just your dad, either. I hate to tell you this, but your grandfather did the same damn thing. This goes at least as far back as the Founding Fathers decorating each other with quills after all-night grog-fests. Haven’t you ever wondered why Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton had that duel? Dicks on the forehead, my man. Hey, I’m not telling you not to do it. Go ahead. It really is funny (when you’re loaded, I mean -- less so when you’re sober). Just treat the process with the respect it deserves. Know that as you’re inking up your roommate when you really should be rushing him to the emergency room, you are part of a long line of, um, artists stretching back through the ages. It’s just a matter of time until some hilarious cave paintings are uncovered somewhere in the Neander Valley.
Posted on: Mon, 27 Oct 2014 12:47:18 +0000
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