I want to everyone so much for all the sweet words and love you guys gave me the other day. You all mean the world to me. Ive been really messed up this week. Ive been having some problems lately that I didnt want to admit to myself let alone anyone else. Yesterday I spent the day in bed in so much pain I thought I was going to go crazy. My mind hasnt been right lately and I think Im getting early signs of dementia. That scares the hell out of me because i was hoping that Id get lucky with my PD and bypass that one but it dont look like it. I feel so sorry for James on those days because I dont know how he handles me when my mind isnt there right and some of the things I say are so awful and I know it but cannot stop it. And some days Im scared for him to leave me alone because of what I might do. I try so hard to fight it but some days the pain and the constant chatter from my head just will not shut up. I so hate this alien monster snake that roams through my body pulling and twisting every muscle imaginable when ever it feels like it but I really hate that invisible clown voice that whispers all those hate, awful things into my mind. I soooooo wish I could kill them both and make them go away. I wish business would pick up some so I could keep myself to busy to think again. Today is a bit better, the voices are still there but quieter and the snake is in my back but not pulling and twisting anywhere near as bad as yesterday. Hopefully they both get tired soon and give me a break for awhile today. I wanted to let you all know though how much you all mean to me. You guys are my support group and Id be lost without all of the love you guys give to me. Thank you all so much for loving me the way you do Id be lost without you. XOXOXOXO
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 15:12:36 +0000
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