I was looking back at a few things over the last few years of my life. You know that self reflection period. People have come and people have gone. Some I miss; others not so much. In this I started looking at the people who have left my life and why, you know doing that spring cleaning self audit. I also look back at the groups or communities that I am now a part of, and the ones I am not. In this I am looking to myself and others, not only to see what transpired but also to find the source of the issues. I attempt to address those issues that I can, and look to not be involved in the issues of others. I have noticed one simple fact in life, that if you have a small number of people leave your life for whatever reason, the fault could lay with them, however if they are leaving your life in droves; the exodus is most likely something to do with your own character flaws. So in this I see the largest diaspora linked to the events in another person’s life. It saddens me but it also made me think about the choices we make. It seems that many of us still have this individual focus. We have an over developed sense of self importance. We want what we want because we think it is our due. Nothing is our fault anymore. I talk about this a lot. This sense of self worth the skews our own sense of entitlement. We feel that we are due some reward, either physical or emotional. This reward comes at the cost of others. Now since so many others suffer from this need to satisfy their own needs, well you get conflict. This conflict is typically resolved in the best interest of the individual. Now when someone does not get what they feel they are due from another, of course this has no fault of theirs tied to it. Reality it does, but this is the common view. This then breeds animosity. This animosity amplifies any other perceived slight and the individual becomes consumed by bitterness and hatred is the result. This is how you generate feuds, Hatfield and McCoy style. You also see people then jumping on what they perceive as the moral high ground, but that high ground is a pinnacle of their own creation. So they build a Rapunzel like tower of isolation and let their hatred and discontent bled over into those that they let down their hair for. Here you see that type of person develop that I actually can’t stand. You see the Salesmen personality develop. These are the people that have so much baggage (that choose to not let go of) that friends come and go for them rather quickly. These people typically make great first impressions, because they have to make friends as fast as they lose them. They have a need for friends because their mental health is heavily link to external validation. They need others that support their train of thought, because they doubt themselves too much and deep down they know they are toxic. The trouble is that they only want people that think like them, or are of an even weaker mindset that only serve as a toadie to their ideology. So they vilify and victimize others and build a buffer of “friends” that share their toxic beliefs. As time goes by they can see no other view but their own, and they develop extremist views. The easiest way to become and extremist is to surround yourself with people that only agree with you. So with that, I look to those extremist as really feel no loss for them in my life. I move on and mourn the loss of those they drag down with them. I see this happen most every day. In this I try to self correct, internally validate, and seek out people that see the world differently than me. Now the trick in this is to find people that are not extremist in their views, because they won’t be around that long anyway.
Posted on: Wed, 19 Mar 2014 15:17:56 +0000
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