I wasnt going to share this about myself, but I FINALLY have the strength to admit what I have been through and Im begging anyone who is dealing with depression PLEASE GET HELP! You are worth it to someone. You may feel worthless but GOD DOESNT MAKE CRAP! God made you, God chose you, God WANTS you to enjoy the life he has set before you. My story: Having my son was trauma to my body and wrecked my hormone balances. If you know anything about me, you know I love to workout/be busy/work up a sweat. Well after baby, I couldnt walk for nearly 3 weeks (moms who didnt have a csection may know about a certain UNFUN procedure and engorgment stinks). So Im guessing that process is what started all of this mess. Not being able to bounce back/feel normal while dealing with school being pushed back due to failing a test and promotion being pushed back due to not having a current PT test left me feeling lost. Anyways, long story short, I felt stuck and I felt I was wasting my time with what I was doing with my 5 years of school and career wise. Anyways, Ive been trying to heal for at least a year now which means my workouts and stress levels suffer. I ended up seeking out a therapist to help me sort out-what I now know was depression. I had post-partum (hormonal imbalance) with adjustment issues. I got put on medication (If you know me, it took a lot of courage to take any medication at all. I rarely even take Tylenol) While dealing with this, it has literally been the darkest and scariest place Ive ever been. I found myself questioning a lot. Why would God put me through this horrible/scary place? Will this hurting feeling ever go away? I literally gave myself anxiety and scared myself to tears some nights. After dealing with this for 6 months, i think I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband has stood by me through everything, gave me tough love when I didnt want it, and proved time and time again he is a gift from God. I am still dealing with this battle, but Ive learned what I can handle. I learned to love harder and show people that this world can be a nice place to live. Ive learned you can only control your thoughts/actions...no one else is controllable. I love my son more than life itself, and I plan on being the best mommy he could ever have. He is the sweetest joy and even when he is screaming/biting/being fussy, that moment is ours and I want to have every moment I can with my little boy. I have this vision in my head of Jesus standing in front of me and I am clinging to his feet because I am so exhausted and beat up from doing this on my own. Every time I see that vision, I think of relief. God has put me through this battle for a reason, I have NO idea why, but I now have gained knowledge about myself and what I need to work on. I pray that if ANYONE has dealt with depression of any kind, dont keep it silent. You could save a life, you can make someone not feel so alone. If you have depression, seek out help before its too late. People want to help, hang around people even if youd rather stay home, go on a walk, Klove, go to church even when its the last place you want to be. I have a long way to go, but I see an unbelievably amazing future ahead of my family and I. God is the reason I have restored hope and passion. My family is proof God is always there for me and thank God for them every second!
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 03:38:33 +0000
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