I wasnt surprised. Not cause I knew any better or knew him at all. The suicides are just seeming all too common. Still, it was shocking. I think its terrifying that a man who has brought so much joy to the world could no longer live with himself. I think its deeply saddening anytime anybody cannot. My way of associating with depression is mostly through loneliness. I was reminded of that this week especially. Nobody asked for this and its not my responsibility, but I often turn introspect to better my own understanding and solidify my stance..........I say We in case you relate to something so then its like Im saying you too. We are always alone. Nobody feels exactly how we feel. This leads to loneliness. We can be surrounded by people who love us and sometimes this is not enough. Feeling lonely yet not being alone can be the loneliest feeling imaginable. We can find peace in solitude, which in some cases can make us choose to be alone. Remaining alone can result in false company our minds create, and give false impressions of what those around us really think, which doesnt matter however you never really know the truth unless you engage with the source. Building walls can barricade you from love and support you need and that people want to give you. Some peoples energy might not jive with you, but it can lead to something or someone that does. Establishing boundaries for ourselves, rather than building walls around us allows us to remain connected, giving us the opportunity to experience a moment that otherwise could not have happened, which might lift us and fuel us for days or even years to come. Stacking chips like this can quickly outweigh what feels to be stacked against you if you let them. I used to think of hope as a mediocre way of projecting positivity, but in the definition is: the feeling that what is wanted can be had and to believe, desire, or trust. Granted those definitions are a small fraction of all thats under hope, but like a lot of things weve got to dig to find what we really want, and maybe even modify to suit us...so I choose to believe, desire, AND trust that its gold Im digging up. I dont think depression or loneliness is the same for any two people, so for me to generalize would be inappropriate, and for the harsher or more real critic, asinine. The demons of depression do not know nor can they fathom the notion of hope or happiness, and though they are ever present they can be suppressed. Its something that Im constantly trying to gain understanding of, but it is my belief that in these states of suppression hope can exist and rather than wonder if there will be ever be a cure, I will just continue to elongate these states of suppression. I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. Its not. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone. - Robin Williams. RIP
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 22:18:37 +0000