I went on vaca this summer to vegas & had a heart to heart with a dear friend. I told her i felt stuck.....again. She, with all her best interest told me, in plain English how do u expecpt ppl to WANT to be interested when all u do is try to keep the peace, you are living to appease others....what is interesting about that? How true is that? I rarely express what i truly feel. I was raised to be polite and not interrupt ppl, to listen to what they say and to respect my family and elders. It has gotten me to the ripe age of 37, and full of resentment. I resent my family for never visiting me when i lived in las vegas. I resent them for never visiting when i lived in Baltimore. I resent that my 2 brothers and my parents barely acknowledge my birthday, yet there is always some family activity for everyone elses. Its not just missed bdays and lack of interest....its 20 years of ambivalence. Its my oldest brother making gay slurs when im not around. Its my other brother covering his face with his shirt like a mexican jihadist cause he smells smoke when i walk by (even tho he can sit in a strip club for hours at a time without a problem). I feel like an orphan of my own doing. People ask how im doin, i say livin the dream.....i dont think ive ever given an honest answer to that question & i accept responsibility for that. When i argue, i go for the jugular. I try to be rational, and unbiased, and that usually gets me walked on. Im cool with cutting ppl out of my life as if they were cancer, never giving a second thought. That mentality has gotten me to here...full of bitterness and discontent. Im done. I decided to kill myself a few hours ago and saved last word for loved ones as txt drafts on my phone. Ive since snapped out of it, but im not going to be the same. My name is Scott and my family sucks. I have 2 idiot brothers that are too self involved to put any effort into involving themselves in my life. I have a dad that cant leave his comfort zone of hunting and fishing and has only truly interest in his first born. My mother loves me and has never criticized any of her kids, and she does whatever her husband wants....regardless. i have aunts and uncles i barely speak to and cousins i hardly know. i, can no longer care. Its time for me to man up and say it like it is. Im a giant puckery asshole at times and from now on, yall gonna see it.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 11:15:11 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015