I went to sleep last night thinking about how I slipped back into my old critical manner of writing. When I woke up this morning, I thought for a while about what inspires me to criticize while trying to help. It is an old pattern, something that turns up less and less as I work to find a kinder side of me. So when I realize afterward what I did, I am always sorry for condemning an industry for not doing things my way. This isnt right and I am always on vigil about this rather unpleasant part of me. I know it is there. It has been there since I was a kid. But, I really would like to stop this. My problem is that sometimes, it is like a compulsion to explain, to defend, to criticize. Until June of 2013, I functioned from the same combative nature that I had all my life. In June I met a therapist/spiritual guide and for one year, I have been on a true search for a kinder me. Many areas of my life were changed and I am beyond grateful to Beth Meeker for all her input and help. But, living 60 years in rage and trying to undo it all in a year seems a daunting task. Try and imagine a lifetime of self taught playing and what might change in you as a player after only a years worth of academic study. I threw out several tons of anger and changed many of the lessons of my childhood. And I still am on the path, as dedicated to becoming a kinder person as I am dedicated to becoming a better musician. This has been a lifetime goal as even when I was younger, I knew of my anger. I talked about this with a lot of guys, Marco Devirgiils, the owner of Markbass helped me with this. So has Victor Wooten. My closest friends offer me guidance. I am a guy tapping into his rage and while I am less that way, it still comes out in me. That darn critical side of me sometimes gets out. And when I realize it myself, I probably regret it more than anybody does. No comments from people are necessary. I already know my pattern of communication. My wife opened my eyes to some important things to think about today and I already know that I took a trip down the wrong path again. So, in front of everyone here on Facebook, I am trying to change my ways and have a ways to go to do it. I will watch out for how I comment in the future and am trying to accept that people teach differently. It is my most important goal to achieve because it is the thing that winds me up the most,I am trying to un-do a lifetime philosophy that I constructed about others and their manner of instruction. So, give me time, accept my apology, and let me work on this some more. I was wrong! I AM wrong! And I am trying to not let this happen, although I know that sometimes it does. Thanks to you all. Thanksf or being patient. People are good and teachers mean to help. I stand for my philosophy in learning and you have a right to make a choice. Thats it for now! (Until I screw up the next time :)
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 17:36:28 +0000
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