I woke this morning with my mind filled with wonder about Robin Williams and his tragic battle with depression. I can relate all to well to his illness, though I am sure not many people really know that depression has always been a part of my life. I made the decision long ago that I would not talk about it, because that seemed to give the illness more reality and life, a decision I came to after it seemed that working through therapy simply made things worse for me. There are still lonely moments when pain can be very overwhelming, and sometimes it is deeply frightening to feel such depths of sadness. The strange thing is how depression almost feels like an entity, something I am fighting that is not a part of me, even while I know it is a part of my own physiology. It has taken me years to learn how to calm those dragons of my mind, but I have never given up that fight. Years ago, after the loss of my home, my career and my marriage, and while I was dealing with the aftermath of meningitis, I decided to switch my focus, and concentrate on the beauty around me instead of the darkness and terrible pain inside. This was very hard to do in the beginning, because at the time, the darkness was all I could see. But I could also remember all the beautiful people around me, and I knew that I had so much to live for, and so much more to give. In my heart, I wanted to be a light in the darkness. I worked for ways to change my thinking, and over time it has become my habit. There is a scripture that has been my guideline, and though it is simple, I have taken it to my heart. Phillipians, 4:18 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. And the peace of God that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and mind. These simple but ancient words are a way of life for me, a way of training my mind in a new way of thinking. And like many simple things, it is also profound. This, more than any other cure, has helped me to cope. And as strange as it may seem, FaceBook has been a huge part of that plan. You see, I really do focus on the beauty all around me. I open my computer, and look for joy. I treasure the posts where people are sharing the sweetest parts of their lives, the celebrations, the births, the friendships and love, the beauty of their children, the happiness of accomplishment. Those things are so beautiful and sweet. There have been times when I felt caught up in my own loss, when I may have felt a little jealous over someones new love or some great new venture, but I have learned to stop and really look at it, really think about the person, and to send them as much love and light as I can. I know they have the same battles and struggles as I do, and yet look at what has come to them! I take great hope from that, every day. I wish joy and happiness for them with all my heart, and mind. Here is the part that amazes me, so much love comes back! I feel surrounded by it. Of course, there are also posts from people who are deep in struggles, and I have come to love those posts as well, because I see so much courage and strength in the people all around me. I admire the greatness of heart so many of my sweet friends have. Some of you are LIONS! I have learned so much from you about the beauty of the human spirit. I am awed by you, and grateful for your examples. I consider myself honored to be a part of your world. So on this day, I think of Robin, and the incredible joy he brought all of his life. I wish I had known him, I wish there had been words to reach his heart, and to stop the pain he was feeling. I see him as a great light in the darkness. And I sit with tears on my cheeks as I read how his life has touched so many people, and how his sad lost battle to the dark dragons of the mind has touched so many hearts. RIP Sweet Robin. Maybe from where you are now you can finally see the truth of just how precious you were to us, and may that bring you comfort at long last. I am hoping that other people who are suffering in the dark prison of depression will take this sad loss to heart, and will find a way to fight the dragons of their mind. I hope they will see that they are not alone, and that life is very beautiful, even when it is dark, painful and sad. I hope they will reach out for help. My dear friend, if you are reading this, and fighting in the darkness, please know there is hope and life ahead for you. There is an answer for you, and it does not have to be death or loneliness. You may not find your way out the same way I did, but there is a way! You are deeply loved, and you are valuable. You matter to me. Please know, you can call me any time, and I will be here for you. You can tell me anything, I will listen. And I will give you my heart, because I can. You are beautiful, and magical, and very good, deep inside, where it matters most. And you are not alone. I love you.
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 16:43:09 +0000
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