I wrote this last night while I was at the club. It may provide some basic insight as to a couple corr reasons I feel how I do: It becomes increasingly evident to me, as I sit in a chair away from the dance floor at the club, that I have a blatent disinterest in what normal people call fun. All these people enjoying moving their bodies uselessly to the beat of the music, or at least giving their best effort, and Im perfectly content sitting alone here in a chair *attempting* to enjoy the song selection as I explore my own thoughts. I prefer making predicitions as to a persons life story and never talking to them over dancing with someone in search of a happiness within myself that doesnt exist. I find contentment in understanding the motives behind someones escape, which they seem to find through absence; I enjoy contemplating the many ways I can help a person to better themselves; I find happiness not through what most find it in, rather in helping others find their own happiness in ways they didnt know they could. Im happy when I help others be happy. I enjoy a deep conversation under a sky of a billion stars more than I would ever enjoy a week of non-stop all-access to a night club (and everything that goes with). And my biggest struggle is that I dont think people understand that. Im an analog clock in a digital world; outdated in style and usefullness... And its truly saddening. And you wanna know whats worse about it? The fact that I know this aspect of myself lets others down. They see me as something Im not; they see me as what the want me to be, not for what I actually am. And it pains me to see the moment when they really see the truth. It makes me sick to my stomach that Im such a let down to people. I just wish I knew how not to be this way. 12.27.14
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 17:51:30 +0000
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