IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Joint statement from The Environmental Agency in Partnership with Security Alert UK & CCS Leisure. We will be vetting all attendees on arrival for traces of ‘Dickhead Syndrome’. Persons who show up ‘Trace’ of Dickhead on our ‘Dick-o-meter’ will be questioned in relation to what part of there lives they perceive themselves to have been ‘Dickheads’. Spokesmen Richard Noblehead from the Environmental Agency said ‘’ Last year was our highest year on record for cases of DHS. It’s becoming a real problem at Dance Festivals and we are predicting a huge outbreak in Buckinghamshire this July. We’ve now given the security team at XSF new powers to throw people into the Trent. Spokesmen Simon Cox for SAUK & CCS told us: ‘’In recent years at the Xstatic Summer Festival we’ve actually let some people off that have admitted being dickheads in there teens and early twenties. We understand people can change, I mean look at Jimmy Dean, he was a right nob in his teens but now he’s a gentleman! However we do spray this group of people with an invisible liquid known as ‘EDM Juice’ which is visible in UV lighting, should any form of outbreak occur. Those to be found fully infected with ‘Dickhead Syndrome’ after scanning won’t even make the front gate. The great news is, with our latest technology and our team of 90 Anti-Dickhead Machines, we are able to spot these disgusting critters before they’ve even stepped into the car park. Thanks to the Environmental Agency, we now have permission to kick them into the Trent where they will board an old log riddled with EDM Slime and rusty nails and then be sent off to Buckinghamshitter to join the rest of the Dickheads. We are a Dickhead Free festival and that’s what makes The Xstatic Summer Festival the UK’s best. https://facebook/events/612073335500224/ Adam Xsf Jukes Jon Paul Montgomery Jack Hart Sauk Derby Ian Cox Daniel Winnals Jo Ussher Darren John Pearshouse Jackson Mudge Dan Nickson LucyFur XstaticFestival Goldberg Jon Brown Jen Jfxmedia Vaughan Sdv Murphy Damion Houchen Craig Lee Kirsty Lee James Nick Howgate Rossco Mayer Rockin Russ Vince Robertson Dean Ashraf Glynn Alan Jordan Sweeney Steve Arnold Vince Robertson
Posted on: Wed, 04 Jun 2014 16:00:50 +0000
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