IN THE FED-EX FIELD: CFW is packed for another action-packed show. All week, they have been promised “The Perfect Snark.” Finally, they think, they were going to get to see this perfect talker. A world held it’s breath, as the lights went out in the stadium. The lights stay out for a while, before a spotlight pops on, and “I Can’t Dance” by LMFAO starts playing. From the curtain, SARAH SILVERMAN dances, badly, onto the stage. However, she looks like she’s having too much fun as the pop comes in a wave! Already, a chant for “Silverman! Silverman! Silverman!” breaks over the masses as she continues down the ramp, a massive smile on her face till she rolls into the ring, and keeps bouncing around, before waving at the fans, and screaming* HOW’S IT GOING, WASHINGTON!? *A wave of applause comes over some of the closer fans as she nods to the ring announcer to hand her the mic, which, thankfully, he does. She brings the microphone to her lips as the song dies out a bit* Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Sarah Silverman, giving you the Silverman Sensation! *Another wave of raucous applause comes over the arena as she bows, flinging her arms about before bringing herself back up* So! I’ve been watching, you know, Wrestlemania, WWE, CFW, TNA, all that wonderful stuff, and I gotta ask...what happened to the fun!? I mean, let’s look at WWE right now. Undertaker just lost his- *She doesn’t even get to finish before people start booing from the crowd* Eh, I see we have some fans! Good on you Necrophiliacs!*Some laughter rises from the crowd, which she nods to* Anyway, a Goat just beat an Animal and a Viper to win a championship….What? I thought this was the WWE, not the PZW-Petting-Zoo Wrestling. And what is this about an All-American Swissman winning a trophy made in honor of...a Frenchman?....*She continues to listen to laughter, her eyes shining in the light as she looks about* I mean, I’m not WWE Creative here, but come on! They should work the Irony angle! Speaking of Angles, what about TNA? What happened to half their roster!? Is job security really that bad!? Sheesh, I think Eric Bishoff needed a stimulus package! And Hulk Hogan’s Grand Return to WWE! What, did TNA bore you with a crowd of five!? Nice work there, Hulkster! *She pretends to flex; her small muscles barely even appearing to the laughter of most in the arena* But let’s talk CFW now, shall we? I know JUST where to start! Why, in the WORLD, are we allowing Peter Dinklage to run a wrestling company!? It’s so sad, it’s adorable! With people like the Frost Hoe, Anne Hathaway, the crazy chick, all fourteen of them, and Jason Statham!? What are you doing here?! Shouldn’t you be kicking the bucket on that Expendables movie with Stallone!? Oh, and don’t get me started on that...what did they call themselves? King’s Court? I didn’t know jesters counted as Lords! Ha! Don’t make me laugh...Jack Gleeson, the little golden turd-monkey can’t go to the bathroom without his precious lackys. Michael Phelps...the heck, man!? I’ve heard it takes 700 plus bong hits to overdose! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET THERE!? Forget kites, he’s AAAAAALLLL the way to Uranus right now! And don’t get me started on old drunkie! That’s right, aiming right at you, DiVito! I mean, what HAVE you done lately!? I can at least claim Wreck-It Ralph to my latest great creation, what have you been doing!? Sheesh, this company needs a cut-up! A cut-above the rest! I can’t wait to get started! I hope you are all too! *Sarah points the mic at the crowd, who roars in either applause, chants, or just plain laughter. She smiles, before handing the microphone over to the announcer, who’s also laughing his behind off. She slips out of the ring, and bows, before stepping up the ramp*
Posted on: Mon, 07 Apr 2014 04:48:39 +0000