Id like to share something a little deeper that I hope resonates with a few people. A family member (lets call her Sarah) I care about greatly has some self-destructive habits. Its very obvious because the manifestation is outward--you can see it. So Ive put a lot of energy, fretting and prayer into trying to get Sarah to stop and make lifestyle changes. I believe most of my motivation was good, but inside theres always a hint of smugness and judgment that makes me uneasy in my honest moments. Whenever I begin putting effort into trying to change or control other people--even when motives are good--I have learned to turn it around. Sure, her self-destructive habits are obvious. But what about me? Dont I have self-destructive tendencies? Of course. Its just that mine are much more subtle because I have too much pride to actually let people see my struggles! So I began asking, What are MY self-destructive habits? The usual justifications and excuses easily surfaced until I acknowledged them. And an interesting thought popped into my head, perhaps from above. What if I focus on controlling/stopping my own self-destructive habits, subtle and private as they are, instead of fretting so much about hers? I resisted at first, because its so much more fun to fix other people and focus on their weaknesses! So I made this my daily goal/affirmation. I love Sarah so much that I choose to LEAD by changing myself instead of her. I stopped mentioning anything to her and began doing the hard, internal work necessary to change myself. I made some difficult choices. Now, I cant claim to understand how or if God works through such things, but heres what happened only two days after I began this. I received a heartfelt email from Sarah saying that she had come to the end of her rope. She had joined a gym, begun exercising, and was developing a meal plan with a nutritionist. The breakthrough happened--shes valuing herself and making solid changes. NOT because of my amazing lectures or pressure. She came to it on her own, which means it will last. This reinforced the basic tenets of Celebrate Calm. Your greatest gift to others is often what you do to change yourself. The quickest way to change your childs behavior is to first control your own. Instead of wanting to have or find the right spouse, its better to become the right spouse yourself. So choose a person in your life that you care about deeply. Instead of spending your energy trying to change or control them directly, what can YOU change inside of yourself to LEAD them--even if they have no idea you are making tough choices? Even if they dont end up changing, you have become a better person in the process.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Aug 2014 22:45:21 +0000
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