If I could post this anonymously I would but I need an outlet somewhere. Im crap at talking but writing is my thing. The written word is a wonderful thing. How I feel right now: Confused, torn, angry, annoyed, fed up, depressed, stressed, had enough. You all know my story but there is never any clear cut end to it. Never knowing a clear solution that it rips at your soul testing every sense you have will eventually turn you mad and im reaching that point. Firstly I had to choose between the 2 loves of my life which was so hard to do without making one of them feel less important than the other which in turn leaves guilt stamped all over my heart. Now its constant waiting to find out the horrible inevitability of the other persons fate. All the while having two different lives waiting to be lived in. I know the choice I made was right but not knowing or being able to keep emotions caused by not knowing under wraps is as hard as it is inevitable. I want to be with both of my loves. Things change feelings mature and evolve but the love never ends and keeping it alive is hard enough to work at without it involving thousands of miles of earth and sea and sky in between. Im still praying that one day the Lord might give me a break but that gets very hard to believe at times. Having your love, faith, mind, body and soul tested all at once is seriously hard going. How long before a person crashes and burns whilst carrying this for so long. I dont often ask for this but pray for me to give me the strength to carry on. I feel very alone even though I know you are all out there. xxx
Posted on: Wed, 11 Sep 2013 09:31:29 +0000
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