If u hv a "NAGGING" wife or husband, please let him or her read this it may help. Nagging is a marriage killer. So, what can you do? Here are a few suggestions for overcoming nagging and the resulting resentment: 1) First, ask yourself how important this issue is Take an honest look at the issue. Is it something that you could let go or simply do yourself? Does it really matter that it be done your way, or can you be content with your spouse doing it in their own way and on their own timetable? If you see that this is not important in the big picture, and it’s possible to let the issue go without creating greater resentment, then let it go. If your core relationship is in good shape, it’s often possible to do this. 2) If you want something, learn to ask clearly and kindly It’s unfortunate how many married people expect their spouses to read their minds. Nagging sometimes begins because a need was not clearly expressed in the first place. It’s important to let your spouse know your needs and wants.Be sure to ask, not demand.Make it a request rather than a command, and be open to hearing your partner’s response. Be respectful of their schedule and their thoughts about the request. You may find that they are willing to do what you’ve asked, but perhaps it will be later than you anticipated. Knowing this will make you feel more content, rather than assuming the worst when it doesn’t happen on your timetable. Don’t just drop hints that they might never pick up on – and even if they do, it will take longer to get what you want than if you would’ve just told them in the first place. 3) Assume the best about your spouse’s response Once you have expressed your desire, assume that your spouse will respond positively. Don’t keep repeating the request, but patiently give your spouse a chance to respond. 4) Learn to use “I” statements If you meet resistance to your request, practice using “I” statements.Express your request to your spouse using statements that focus on your own needs and feelings about the situation. For example: “I need you to do _____. I feel like we’re on the same team when you take responsibility for handling this task.” If you are attempting to deal with a previously unmet need that has caused a negative situation, a pattern for expressing your concern is: “When (describe the behavior or incident) happens, I feel (hurt, angry, disrespected) . I need (describe what you would like to have happen now) .” You are responsible for your own feelings and perceptions. Expressing what you feel, think, or perceive will make much more of an impression on your spouse (who loves you) than will “you always” or “you never” remarks that put them on the defensive. 5) Respond promptly to requestsMuch nagging comes as a result of frustration over a lack of action after a request has been made. So, if you feel that your spouse is a “nagger,” be proactive in solving the problem. When your spouse asks you to do something, respond promptly: 1) acknowledge that you have heard the request; 2) tell them whether or not you can do what they have asked, and why; 3) give them a timetable to put their mind as ease; 4) complete the task as quickly as possible. Developing a track record of honest response to requests and of completed tasks will begin to put your spouses’ mind at ease and will foster an attitude of respect.
Posted on: Fri, 26 Jul 2013 12:59:53 +0000
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