**If you post this email, please keep me private. Thank you!!** Hi Zane, I hope this email reaches you in great spirits and hopefully you can give me some advice. I am a soon to be 28yo and my soon to be 30yo boyfriend (off and on for 10 years) will be moving from our home state to my current state. I attended college in the DMV area, loved it, but moved back home once college was over. During my entire time in college, I was on and off with my boyfriend. To make a long story short, we met when I was 16 and him 19 and weve been inseparable ever since. Youre probably wondering how were you two inseparable if we was off and on. Well, regardless if we were off, we ALWAYS stayed in each others lives. Neither one of us ever taking someone else seriously. Eventually, I wanted things to take a more serious turn but he wasnt ready yet. So, I left. I moved back to the DMV area. I wanted to move for me, never running from him or the situation. I always knew he liked the DMV area just like I did. Did I mention that he was the ONLY person in my life to visit me on a consistent basis the entire time I was in college. Not mom(once), dad(never), cousins(never), friends(one friend, one time)..no one. The distance between my home and where I went to school was only 3 hours but I digress. Weve had our ups and downs, but we still managed to love/care for one another. I moved at the end of August and by the last week of September, he made the decision to follow me here. He will be transferring within his job but must work at his current job for 6 months first. He started the job in August. So, he is planning on moving in with me in April but Im having a hard time figuring out splitting the bills. My mom and grandmother said he should pay all the bills(rent, gas&electric, cable), and I only my own bills + food for us to eat. Now dont get me wrong, I am a firm believer that a man should take care of his woman and household. I grew up with my grandparents, and thats what I know. My granddad took care of my grandmother up until he was diagnosed with lung cancer. He died 6 months later so my boyfriend and grandfather never had the chance to sit down and have the talk. I have other bills to take care of: cell phone, car insurance, sallie mae, federal loan, and a couple small creditors I owe money to as well. He has a credit card bill and will be financing a new car before he moves here. When him and I first discussed him moving here, he stated that we should split all the bills in half. I said ok at the moment but I dont want to do that. I dont think he should pay all of the bills but I feel he should pay majority of them (rent, gas&electric). I dont have a problem putting on my big girl panties and have this conversation with him but I dont want it to turn into an argument either. What would you suggest? This is the man that I will one day marry, have kids with. Ive watched too many people in relationships argue about bills that ultimately ended their relationship. I want to be fair to him but still feel like he is being a man and taking care of me. I wouldnt mind hearing from women in established relationships, not these little girls/wanna be grown women. Thank You for reading my email and for sharing your very naughty stories with the world! Lol Signed, Finding OUR balance MY RESPONSE: Honestly, I realize that a lot of women consider it to be the mans responsibility to foot all of the major bills. Then there are a lot of women who love the 50/50 idea and then those who do not feel like they need to contribute to any of the bills, even their own. In this case, I believe that it starts and begins with the salaries of both of you. Even more important than that, if he is not your husband, why should he be taking care of you in the first place? I see nothing wrong with the 50/50 thing, especially since he is going through the effort to relocate to be with you. That is a huge sacrifice and you need to recognize that. I am interested in what others have to say on this. Either way, good luck and I hope the two of you figure out what makes sense. If he has already said what he feels is right though, I am not sure it makes sense to rock the boat. If you can afford to pay half, and I am assume that you can since you already live in the DMV, is it worth causing drama to prove a point?
Posted on: Sat, 08 Feb 2014 20:53:28 +0000
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