Im about to write a post like Ive never written before... It will be long and to some controversial, Im sure some will think its tmi, some wont care, some will form an opinion of me and either reply negatively or unfriend me, maybe both. But looking at my embarrasingly low friend count, do I really care anyway ? Nope. Not anymore. See, pride and fear is whats crippled me all my life. Ive care so much about what people think of me that I put on a smile every day for the public and only post the positive things in my life on fb. Smiling pictures of my kids, funny posts, things that I think will inspire others. But lets be real. No one can or is, happy all of the time. I have struggles just like everyone else in the world. My struggle is with religion. Someone close to me recently told me that I have to share my story. My first thought was” Why, whos going to care? I havent had the best life in the world but I sure havent had the worst. My second thought was, (of course) What are my family and friends going to think?! Most especially, my kids. But tonight something happened and I had an epiphany. All of a sudden I started shaking like a leaf, my teeth were chattering uncontrollably, my jaw hurt from clenching it, my abs started hurting from trying to control the shakes and my head started to pound like a sledgehammer was cutting into it. I laid down and started praying like I never have before, the words just flowed like they were written for me. My prayer was not for me. It was for everyone of you. Family, friends, aquaintances, I finally for the first time EVER and I say this in all honestly have come to realize that I DO have a purpose. People used to tell me, “Teach what you know” “Tell your story” and every day I hear “Youre standing in your own way” Tonight it was all so clear. God has never wavered, I have. God has never lost faith in me, I have. Hes opened door after door after door of opportunities for me. I would walk through the door of opportunity and as soon as things would start to get good for me, my attitude has always been “ I got this” Over and over and over Ive leaned on my own understanding and over and over the door of opportunity would SLAM closed behind me. Of course, theres more to the story of my life,but to write it all down would turn this into a novel. Ive asked God tonight to use me. As I start to unravel my story in days to come, youll see I have much in common with a lot of people here. This is not any type of sales pitch or a ploy to get “likes” and comments on this post. I honestly dont know where writing this post will take me, but its not my job to know. I leave everything to God from this moment on =) God bless and good night!
Posted on: Wed, 09 Jul 2014 03:53:05 +0000
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