Im going to tell you a fact about myself I havent ever really talked about. Some family members might be hurt that i never told them this or asked for support but i feel its important someone in Scotland started talking about poverty. I have over 1000 Scots on my Facebook. 200 are in poverty. Then around 300 are in fuel poverty. Relative poverty. You might look at me and think otherwise but Ive lived in poverty. Ive felt real hunger. So much so that at its worse I took sleeping tablets to sleep through the pain of hunger. They were lying in my drawer and after 2-3 days of not eating properly I decided to medicate myself to sleep. Too proud and stubborn to ask for help and too scared to leave my house. How things have changed lol. I worked almost all my time since leaving school. Earning a wage, and paying tax. 17 years old to 21 I never thought about saving. I always had it in my mind that when I was ready I would join the Army doing Technical work or science based Defence jobs. Until after a few years of working I started suffering from Anxiety disorder, caused by a nerve condition I developed called essential tremors. I hated people seeing me shake. I felt weak and i had always been strong and silent. So I suffered from anxiety disorder. I was sanctioned around 3.5 years ago as they first came in because I wasnt fit for work against my own opinion but I was missing appointments because being outside my house was terrifying. Every noise, bang, look and stare. Sent my heart racing. Will they see me shaking? Why am i afraid? Why do they think Im afraid? Am I losing the plot? Andy why are you shaking and sweating so much? They (DWP) didnt give me any alternative. I had to go 11 days without food. I lived on around 300g of cornflakes and a 500g bag of rice. I remember stealing a slice of bread just passed its sell by from a friends loaf and using an unreasonable amount of butter. I felt guilty for it but I dont think Ive ever tasted something so good. I still remember that pain though. Andy do you want a bit of this cake? My eyes flipping and stomach screaming yes. Id say no. Its yours! And smile like everything was fine. I lost 6 inches of my waist and about 3.5 stone. I managed to get a job through a family member. After not eating properly for a few months on one meal a day or less. I started fainting and finally collapsed one night in the snow. I went home that night, soaking, freezing and defeated. I also lost my job after 5 shifts. Feeling so hungry working around food drove me crazy anyway.. No one believed me. Its just your anxiety! You just need a bit more confidence. The damage gave me temporary hypoglycemia. Which even now if I dont get enough sugar I feel woozy. Your body is an engine and of you deprive it of fuel, things will go wrong. I also became lactose intolerant and wheat sensitive. No idea if its related but I live with a permanent scar either way. I really gave up on life till I heard I told i was going to be a Dad. Somewhere in that mess of a human a Dad had to be born. How am I going to do that? I remember looking in the mirror and feeling pure disgust at myself. What will she think of me? Not a gram of muscle and ill looking. The same guy who used to terrorise streets after a drink with my friends trying to lift the heaviest things we could find. How am i supposed to protect my daughter? I thought. So I picked up the weights and fought back. The hardest battle of my life. Anxiety Disorder. I flew away over 15 stone and ended up overweight because of my years of body abuse and I dont doubt itll have a reoccurring effect some day. Then I went back to college and came out the other end. That was my true test of my will power. I won and I always will win because I remember what its like to be hungry. But how do i protect my daughter when im gone in the future? By trusting the same people who left me to rot at such a young age? Or by voting Yes and having the peace of mind she will be looked after. That choice has always been simple for me. My life is great now and I wouldnt change a second of it. I came out stronger than I ever thought I could be and I will take on anything. And thats my story!
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:15:35 +0000
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