Im often asked, Why? Why is two billion or nine billion or twenty billion not enough for these guys? Theres no such thing as a victimless billionaire. Steven Cohen Cant Make His Mommys Monkey Jump Posted By Greg Palast On November 8, 2013 Billionaire Steven A. Cohens marriage was in hot water because his wife wouldnt tolerate the other woman. The other woman was Stevens mother. This week, Cohens hedge fund, [3] SAC Capital Advisors will plead guilty to criminal charges of insider trading and pay $1.2 billion in fines and forfeitures. Cohen says hell pay the $1.2 billion from his own pocket — but its a pretty big pocket. His net worth just hit [4] ($9.4 billion). It would have been an even $10 billion, but last year he coughed up over half a billion for his companys illegal trades. Cohen himself is not accused of knowing the information he used was obtained by criminal means. But, he still faces SEC charges of letting his minions operate like a high-finance NSA, sucking up and trading on illegally obtained information. And the US district attorney, when asked about imprisoning Cohen, said, in cryptic language, [5] that unspecified criminal charges are yet to come. And its all Stevens mommys fault. And her monkeys. Tip to young journalists: Billionaires ex-trophy wives are a terrific source of information. The blonder the better. They have vengeance in their eyes and files under their mattresses. And they want just three things: money, revenge, and ...money. Patricia Cohen is very blonde and very exd. She split from the nona-billionaire in 1990 when he was still a poor, struggling nona-millionaire. Or so he led her to believe. Patricia [6] claims she was robbed — and that she firmly deserves a little of the ice from Cohens private ice-skating rink, the one in his garden next to his own cinema theater and indoor pool. So, Patricia, bent on justice, approached this reporter with a authoritatively detailed story of Cohens first inside-trading scam, documents included. Now, I should say at the outset that, despite Patricias selfless exposure of the pitiless facts about Cohens suspicious trades, and despite the guilty plea and charges pending, I dont for a minute believe that Steven Cohen is anything but an innocent genius. Indeed, Cohens brilliance borders on the clairvoyant. He knows which way a stock will move before God knows. He knows your kids name before you know youre pregnant. How? By using illegally obtained insider information? Heavens no! So how does Cohen know the cards in your hand before theyre dealt? Guessing,” says Cohen. [7] I was pretty good at guessing which way those [stock price] numbers would go.” In a drooling profile, Vanity Fair compares him to the mathematical genius” in the film A Beautiful Mind. However, as Cohen was a crap student in math, his uncanny ability to predict the market better than any other mortal is attributed to some otherworldly brain kryptonite that gives him, a Rain Man–like gift for reading the stock ticker.” The ex-Mrs. Cohen has a different narrative. We sat in the kitchen at her Upper East Side digs, close enough to Mick Jaggers to borrow a cup of sugar, but not on a very high floor. (Deprivation is a relative concept.) Before jumping into the facts of finance flim-flam, I first wanted to know from her why she left Mr. Bullion Baggins. He loved his mother.” Thats no crime. Yea, but he really loved his mother. Steven couldnt take a poopie without calling Mommy. Every week wed go have dinner with her, and she would say to him, ‘All I know is, money makes the monkey jump! Money makes the monkey jump! And wed leave and half the time in the car hed be in tears about his mommy humiliating him. No matter how many millions and billions he piled up, he couldnt make his mommys monkey jump. As a reporter, billionaires are my beat. For The Guardian, Ive covered the [8] Brothers Koch, [9] Paul The Vulture Singer, Adnan Guns-for-Hostages Kashoggi, and many others. Im often asked, Why? Why is two billion or nine billion or twenty billion not enough for these guys? Why would they play fast and loose with laws statutory and moral to make one more billion? And the answer is, They cant make their mommys monkey jump. In every twisted billionaire bamboozler Ive investigated, Ive found a hole in their soul which they are trying to fill with wads of dollar bills, but cant. But then, why is for their shrinks and next wives to ponder. My issue is how. According to Patricia Cohen, Steven began to have visions of future stock moves when he was just a small-change trader at Gruntal & Co. One night, Steven was again in tears, literally crying into his pillow, sleepless. Patricia claims he fessed to her that hed secretly bought up a load of RCA stock, knowing the company would be taken over by General Electric. She also claims that she was too blonde at the time to know Stevens RCA purchase was a crime. But she did suggest that he go to his boss and tell the truth because, whatever money he would make on the deal wasnt worth the midnight tears. Is $9 million worth it? he said to her. Apparently, it was — because she ceased to suggest confession until she felt shafted by her divorce settlement. Well, thats her story. Stevens? He wont talk to me about it — [10] nor to the FBI (to whom he invoked his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination). The pattern of activities in past and recent indictments, including those to which he has now confessed, and the known facts of the RCA deal, comport with Patricias accusation. But, given Patricias own motive for revealing her hubbys pillow talk, I wasnt ready to bite. Nevertheless, we have to ask: if his first big score, the RCA-GE merger, was more than a brilliant guess,” then doesnt his entire $9.4 billion pot come from a scam? In which case, he should give it up. All of it. All $9.4 billion. One afternoon, Cohen made a cool quarter billion dollars after telling one of his traders to contact a doctor consulting with Wyeth Pharmaceuticals whom Cohen knew had inside information on drug tests. The trader comes back with the info, Cohen made the trade — though the government cant (yet) prove that Cohen knew the info was obtained illegally. Only the trader and SAC Capital were indicted for the crime. According to the SEC, thats just a day in the life of SAC Capital. But, according to Cohens puppies in the financial press, he is just a brilliant risk-taker, his firm forced to plead guilty to what one Wall Street Journal columnist described as a crime with no victims, [11] it actually helps people.” CNN got all teary for Cohen, claiming he was the victim of a longstanding anomaly in American law.” Who was the real criminal? [12] SAC Capital punished for the governments own failure” screamed their headline. This is the same crew that told us that JP Morgan only paid a $13 billion fine last week as part of a government anti-business witch-hunt.” Really? When a Cohen sells soon-to-swoon Wyeth stock to some schmuck whos not clued in, the counter-party loses his shirt. When JP Morgan labels financial feces as prime” mortgages and dumps it on Fannie Mae, the US taxpayer gets a hosing. When Goldman Sachs and billionaire John Paulson sell the Royal Bank of Scotland synthetic CDOs that are as valuable as a chocolate kettle, the Bank of England pays and the people of England lose two million jobs. When hedge fund predator Paul Singer mounts a vulture attack on the Congo and makes a killing, Oxfam says hes taking cholera medicine away from kids who are facing death. In other words: Theres no such thing as a victimless billionaire. Nevertheless, our financial press lauds these predators. Paulson slicking RBS into buying turds painted gold was genius.” And just this week, a New York Times columnist lauded Paul Singer a loving father and generous donor.” Why? Because Singer tosses an insignificant amount of his ill-making gains back to support gay rights in Africa. Theres no mention that Singer has buttered human rights” groups with cash to front his campaigns to discredit governments he has sued for billions. Cohen is a [13] modern-day Medici.” Witness his extraordinary philanthropy — the new Steven & Alexandra Cohen Childrens Medical Center. Hey, thanks, Mr. Generous. Little Caesar might have avoided jail time and bad press if hed only funded a wing of a Chicagos Cermak Prison Hospital called, The Al Capone Center for Gunshot Wounds and Unfortunate Accidents. Keep your hospital wing, Mr. Cohen. Keep your human rights donation, Mr. Vulture. If youd let the sheep you fleece keep their skin, they wouldnt need your charity. As to your generosity, genius, and brilliant guesses — sorry, my monkey aint jumping. * * * * * * Greg Palast, author of [14] Vultures Picnic, featuring Cohen and other billionaires, is a former expert advisor to the US Department of Justice on financial fraud and racketeering. Greg Palast is also the author of the New York Times bestsellers, [15] Billionaires & Ballot Bandits, The Best Democracy Money Can Buy and Armed Madhouse. HELP US FOLLOW THE MONEY. Visit the Palast Investigative Funds [16] store or simply make tax-deductible [17] contribution to keep our work alive! Subscribe to Palasts [18] Newsletter and [19] podcasts. Follow Palast on [20] Facebook and [21] Twitter. [22] GregPalast Article printed from Greg Palast: gregpalast URL to article: gregpalast/steven-cohen-cant-make-his-mommys-monkey-jump/ URLs in this post: [1] Truthout: truth-out.org/opinion/item/19906-steven-cohen-cant-make-his-mommys-monkey-jump [2] Image: gregpalast/wp-content/uploads/StevenACohen.jpg [3] SAC Capital Advisors will plead guilty: justice.gov/usao/nys/pressreleases/November13/SACPleaPR.php [4] ($9.4 billion): forbes/profile/steve-cohen/ [5] that unspecified criminal charges: forbes/sites/afontevecchia/2013/11/04/preet-bharara-isnt-done-with-steve-cohen-and-sa c-capital/ [6] claims she was robbed: amlawdaily.typepad/files/first-amended-complaint-no-09-cv-10230.pdf [7] I was pretty good at guessing: vanityfair/business/features/2010/07/steve-cohen-201007.print [8] Brothers Koch: gregpalast/wp-content/uploads/Palast-Exposes-Koch-Brothers-inGuardian1998.pdf [9] Paul The Vulture Singer: gregpalast/romneys-billionaire-vulturepaul-singer-the-gops-baddie-sugar-daddie/ [10] nor to the FBI: nypost/2009/12/18/steven-cohens-ex-wife-dished-to-fbi/ [11] it actually helps people: marketwatch/story/why-insider-trading-should-be-legal-2011-05-17 [12] SAC Capital punished for the governments own failure”: finance.fortune.cnn/2013/07/26/sac-capital-punished/ [13] modern-day Medici.”: greenwichtime/news/article/Steven-Cohen-His-own-private-bravado-4589161.php [14] Vultures Picnic: gregpalast/vulturespicnic/ [15] Billionaires & Ballot Bandits: gregpalast/ballotbandits/ [16] store: palastinvestigativefund.org [17] contribution: palastinvestigativefund.org/?nogiftdonation [18] Newsletter: gregpalast/subscribe/ [19] podcasts: gregpalastitpc://gregpalast/Podcasting/podcasts.xml [20] Facebook: facebook/pages/Greg-Palast/87777747127 [21] Twitter: twitter/Greg_Palast [22] GregPalast: gregpalast
Posted on: Fri, 08 Nov 2013 19:44:07 +0000
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