Im so very sad and depressed...I feel like my whole life is in shambles and is only getting worst...I have nobody to truely talk to that will listen to me and not be one sided...I just want complete honesty weather I like it or not...I really dont know what to do from this point...I thought I had the perfect life and perfect man with the perfect love for me...and by the way when I say perfect I mean perfect for me because I know nobody or nothing is truely perfect with the exception of our Lord Jesus Christ...I thought I was finally getting my shit together...well Im beginning to think all this time Ive been living in a fantasy world with blinders on in the real world...I know Im not perfect but I try...I love my daughter and do the best I can for her...helI I love all my children but some things happened that I cant change but I can and have learned from...I know for sure my boys (especially Ethan, not so much Pacey) are better off where they are and are given things I couldnt give them now...but maybe one day...anyways...what I was trying to say before I got off track a little bit is...I just want to be loved the way I love...which is truely madly deeply and whole heartly with my mind body and soul...with every bit of my heart...I put my every bit of my emotion in it...just because I dont cry when Im hurt and upset it doesnt mean Im not hurt or upset...I show my feelings differently than everyone else...I get angry and most of the time I shut down completely...thats just how I am...am I wrong for that...I am not a cheater and I will never and have never...that very self degrading and humiliating...dont yall agree? There is this man that Im whole heartily in love with and he doesnt believe me...he thinks Im constantly sneaking around cheating on him...hes constantly accusing me of cheating on him...Ive heard that the person who accuses first is normally the one cheating lying and deceiving the other...am I right? I accuse him too but not nearly as much and its normally after he goes off and starts on me first...I know I shouldnt but I truely believe he is because he accuses me so much...I confused and lost...I dont know what to do...I dont want to break up, I dont want him to leave, I want him and I to happy the way I know we can be...Im not saying Im the least bit innocent in all this but I dont do nearly as much controlling, accusing, assuming, hollering, and much more...I dont normally start till he does...I want nothing more than to work thru this and fix it but I think our reflation ship is too far gone and that there is so much water under the bridge that the bridge is under water...if there is anyway to save it I sure wish somebody...hell anybody would tell me...Im not ready to give up...not even close to being ready to give up...maybe Im in denial...but thats ok with me...Im an Aries and we are stubborn and relentless...this is a prime example...PLEASE HELP ME HELP MY RELATIONSHIP...i hate putting my personal private relationship business out there like this but Im desperate obviously...I love Scott Daniel Pearson with all my heart and we have a beautiful almost 15 month old little girl named Lotus together that we both love dearly and want nothing but the best for her...we are suppose to be getting married and spending the rest of our lives together...we do everything together...hes my best friend...but we obviously have trust and communication issues to start with...and I know without trust we have nothing and we should probably just hang it up now before it gets any worse...but I dont think its possible for it to get any worse...it can only get better from here...we have already been thru so much in such a short period of time..which is good an bad...I cant and wont give up...Ive never loved a man/human being as much as I love him...besides my children...him and my children are my everything...I just wish there was some way I could prove to him that I have never and would never be unfaithful and/or unloyal to him no matter what happens...I am completely his mind body and soul...Im feeling a little hopeless and I should be feeling hopeful...I NEED ADVICE ASAP...I feel all alone and like I have no one to turn to and confide in without being judged...I just need so good advice from somebody whose isnt gonna put him or me down or criticize either one of us...because this post isnt about that...its about helping me and my family thru this sad, confusing, desperate, depressing, critically hard, time we are going thru...so if you are a true friend and would like to give me some good useful helpful and Godly advice please comment...and thanks in advance...
Posted on: Fri, 24 Oct 2014 03:27:14 +0000
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