Insert 73 She hit the floor with her fist for a while, screaming I hate you.. After a while, she got up, still crying. I got up too. Me: baby, look.. I came closer to her and she stepped back.. I stood where I was, with my arms stretched out. Me: Im sorry, nyani Nakhane. I didnt mean to hurt you. I felt bad ngalanto nam, I even told my pastor. She looked at me straight in the eye. Me: we can call him. Infact, lets call him right now. No Zimkhitha ndamxelela ukuba angaphindi andifounele. I promise you, soze iphinde yenzeke lento. I promise! I took a minute to breathe, that was quite a mouthful. Nakhane: Im off to bed. Me: haybo, sisathetha nje. She turned and walked away, leaving me standing there. I followed her to our room. She got into bed, in her pyjamas. On a normal night, shed get into bed butt-naked, thats how we slept. But she decided to get into bed with her pjs. I got into bed too. She prayed, with a shaky voice, she expressed her feelings to God. When she was done, I said my silent prayer too and tried falling asleep. Hours went by and I was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling. She was facing away so I couldnt tell whether she was awake or asleep. Just as I was slowly drifting to dream-land, she cleared her throat. Nakhane: is that baby yours? Me: hhmm? I opened my eyes. Me: uyathetha baby? Nakhane: undivile Sphesihle. Me: the baby? I dont know. Nakhane: so its possible uba ngowakho? Me: baby, I really dont know. Kum wayethe she will take the emergency contraceptives. Nakhane: and she did? Me: I uhhh, I.. Nakhane: did she?? Me: andiyazi kaloku, I wasnt with her. Nakhane: so, its possible that your first born will be mothered by her? I kept quiet. She kept quiet too. Me: Nakhane, uZimkhitha une boyfriend. Lets not forget that. She didnt say a word. Me: if ibikhona indlela, I would undo yonke lanto. She still said nothing. I decided to let her be. The following morning, my phone woke me up. I didnt even know when I fell asleep. It was Luke, calling. Me: hhmm? Luke: hhhmm ntoni? Usalele na wena? Me: yes Luke! Ndilele. Luke: vuka ke, Im on my way. Me: hay yima maan, what time is it? Luke: its 8. Ulelele ntoni emini na? Is Nakhane keeping you awake all night? Phofu banjalo ke aba bantu baqubudileyo emini, when the sun sets, benza imihlola. Umntu uba lihashe sana, sinqandane naye. Me: uzakufika nini? Luke: ndisendleleni mna ngoku. Me: okay, sure. Luke: sharp ke chommy. Ill call you in a few. He hung up. Me: baby? She got out of bed, acting like I didnt say a word. Me: uLuke usendleleni. She looked at me, and then made her way towards the en-suit bathroom. Me: baby please, say something. She turned to look at me, with a tear escaping her eye. Nakhane: say something? Say something? Ndingathini? What do you expect me to say? Me: masilungise lento baby, please. I know ndikonile and I feel bad about it. Ndicela siyilungise lento. We cant go on like this. Nakhane: yazi, if bendingahloniphanga abazali kunye no Thixo, Id pack my bags and hit the road. I would leave you right now. Me: haybo- Nakhane: listen, let me finish! I nodded. Nakhane: if it wasnt for the love I have for you, ngendipakisha ndikushiye. I would leave you here, alone. But I love you! I dont hate you, no I dont. She sniffed. Nakhane: but for now, I dont wish to be around you. I dont know.. She folded her arms. Nakhane: I may be HIV positive right now. I looked down. Nakhane: you slept with that woman without a condom. Ubeke ubom bethu esichengeni. And theres a baby too, awukho sure noba ngowakho or not. Me: she said- Nakhane: she said? Sphesihle, awumbonanga la mntu ukuba umithi? Me: ndimbonile, but ingenzeka ayingowam. Nakhane: but ingenzeka ngowakho. What happens ke uba ngowakho? Huh? Me: ndicela siyicinge lo nto xa isenzeka. I cant answer it now. She turned around and walked away. I got up and made the bed. I heard the water running, she was taking a shower. I went to brush my teeth and wash my face. The shower was steamy and I was dying to join her, but I couldnt. I couldnt even ask if I could join her. That was just out of question. After brushing my teeth, I went to the kitchen, with my phone in my hand. I placed it on the kitchen counter and started preparing breakfast. My phone rang, it was Luke. Me: Luke? Luke: vulani ke guys, ndiphandle. Me: sure. I buzzed him in. A few minutes later, the front door bell rang. I went to open. It was Luke, carrying a bag. Luke: hee, kusalelwe nyani sana apha. Hi. He hugged me. Me: hi I pulled away. Luke: unjani? Awusemhle maan, I see youre the happiest man alive. He rolled his eyes. Me: ndi right, wena? Luke: nam ndi right. He pushed me aside and walked in.. Luke: uphi umamalapha? Me: uyavasa. Lets wait for her here. Ziintoni ezi zikule bag? Luke: oh, these? He giggled. Luke: these kaloku are the gifts I bought you from Namibia. Me: what? Uvela e Namibia? Luke: yep! He nodded. Luke: and guess what? Me: what? Luke: Im going back. Nge month end, siyaphindela. Me: wena nabani? Luke: David. My new boyfriend. Phofu hes not new, sakhe sajola wethu kdala for like a month or so. But ke, sohlukana, ngoku sadibana again. I went to sit on the couch. Me: ndcela ubona ii gifts ke. Luke: masilinde uNakhane kaloku, yintoni na? I kept quiet. He came to sit next to me. Me: how was Zambia? Luke: Namibia! It was great, I had so much fun. Banobubele abantu bakulo Dave sana. Me: thats wondeful. So uzakuhlala pha? Luke: no, were visiting. Umama wakhe akaphilanga, so asizokwazi unqaba. And besides.. He shifted on his seat. Luke: they want Dave to marry me. He laughed.. Me: and Im sure nawe uyafuna. Luke: are you kidding me? Hee sana kudala ndajika emnyango mna emtshatweni. This time, its really happening. Me: Im happy for you. I smiled. Luke: thanks chommy. Anyway, hows life? Living in a mansion with two fancy cars. Hows all of that? Me: its okay, life is okay Luke. Luke: what? You dont sound okay. Whats up? I cleared my throat. Me: nothings up. Would you like anything to eat or drink? I got up. Luke: hay khawuhlale phantsi wethu, sisathetha. I threw myself back on the couch. Luke: now whats up? Awukho right and you cant even hide it behind that charming smile of yours. Mahle futhi amazinyo akho qha anqabile, awuyibaweli i gold-tooth? David can organize you one, very cheap too. Me: huh? Luke: come on man, it would match perfectly with your brown eyes. Imagine nje, rhaaa ungayi hit yomhlaba. Me: uhm, sithetha ngantoni na ngoku? Nakhane walked down the stairs. Luke: mfaaaaaazi!! He got up and ran up to her, they shared a hug. Luke: awusemhle, awusemhle! Heee, ikuphethe kakuhle le nja uThwani nhe? Look at you. Nakhane looked at me, and then looked at Luke. Nakhane: thanks Luke. Unjani? Luke: ndi right baby, unjani wena? Nakhane: nam ndi right. They came to sit down, holding hands. Luke: awumhle, uthambisa ntoni ebusweni? Nakhane: hahaha, a girl never reveals her beauty secrets. Luke: hay fokof wethu, this is me youre talking to. Khawuthethe, look at my skin. Nakhane: ndiyakubona, kutheni unamaqhakuva nje? Asisibi skin sakho maan. Luke: yila ndawo ndisuka kuyo. Nakhane: usuka phi? Luke: Namibia! He screamed in excitement. Me: hee, uba excited qho uthetha lento na? Luke: hay fokof wena! Uyeva ke Nakhane? My boyfriend took me there. Nakhane: wow!! Luke: I know hey, Im excited too. Siyaphindela nge month end. Nakhane: haybo, uzakuquqa pha na? Luke: kaloku umama wakhe akaphilanga, yabo? So, yeah! Nakhane: I see, Im glad you came to visit. Luke: hahaha, why? Udikwe kukwenziwa ntoni? Nakhane: hahaha, unjalo ke wena. He got up and came to take his bag from next to me and went to sit next to Nakhane with it. Luke: hahahaha, ndiyadlala wethu. ndiniphathele ii gifts ke sana, all the way from Namibia. Nakhane: hhmm, ziintoni? He unzipped his bag and took out an African printed dress.. Luke: this.. He handed it to Nakhane.. Luke:..is for you. Nakhane: ooh wow, ayisentle. Hahahaa ingathi ndizaku act(a) ku Africa Magic qha. Luke: uphambene ke! This will suit you just fine. He took out an African printed shirt. Luke: and this Mr Thwani, is for you. Me: aaah, thanks. You shouldnt have. I faked a smile at the sight of the gift. Luke: thatha wethu! He threw it at me. Me: thanks. Luke: yhuu, sana Nakhane, believe me when I say I have found my Mr Right. Nakhane: nyani? Thats awesome. Im happy for you. Luke: thanks, kaloku sthandwa, some of us have to kiss a few frogs before finding our princes. You were lucky enough ke wena that you never met any frog. You met your prince usaqala nje. Nakhane looked at me.. Luke: hahahahaahaha, hee, phofu isenokwenzeka uSihle is a frog yazi. Hahaahahaha ooh my friend, kunini waba yi frog torho, naku Zimkhitha wayeyiloo frog. Ungathini ba nalapha kuwe akakabi nguye? Maybe hes just an ugly frog hiding behind expensive clothes. Hahahahaha Sihle the frog! Nakhane: uhm, Luke, lets go and make breakfast. I just remembered that I was preparing breakfast. ULuke uyayihlutha ingqondo yomntu.. Me: I was preparing breakfast phaya, before kufike uLuke. She looked at me and then walked away, without saying a word. Luke followed her. I went to take a shower and then got dressed in a pair of shorts and a vest. Luke walked into my room. Luke: breakfast is ready ke bhuti. Me: okay, ndiyeza. Luke: sure. He walked out and I followed him to the kitchen. We had breakfast. When we were done, she threw the plates into the dishwasher and tidied around the kitchen. Luke: guys, what are your plans for the day? Nakhane: asinazo, why? Luke: would you like to join us? Wena ke Nakhane, my girls and I are going out. Nakhane: aah, no thanks. Andikho right wethu. Luke: whats wrong? Nakhane: its.. Uhm, its just.. She smiled. Nakhane: women get sick wethu Luke, from time to time. Luke: uya mensa? I went to the living room. I couldnt wait for Luke to leave. I wanted to talk to my wife, we had to fix whatever was going on between us. When they were done in the kitchen, they came to join me in the living room, chatting up a storm. Nakhanes phone rang. Nakhane: its my dad. Luke: hhmm.. She cleared her throat and picked up. I was staring at her. Nakhane: hello tata? Siyaphila tata, sigcinwe yiNkosi. Unjani wena? Ewe.. Umama ebendixelele, tata. Akho xolo lwakhe ndizakulwamkela mna, worse olu luyalezwayo. Ndifuna alucele apha kum ezindlebeni. Ewe tata. Okay. Hay nathi sisahleli kakuhle, sonwabile tata kakhulu. She sniffed. Nakhane: okay ke tata, enkosi. She hung up. Luke: checking up on you? Nakhane: you know how dads are. Luke: actually, I dont. Mine hated me with every fiber of his being. He hated even the ground I walked on. Nakhane: ngoba? Luke: do you even have to ask? Im gay. And yena he wanted me to be straight and handle all the family empire. Nakhane: abanye abazali kodwa, how can you waste years maan ucaphukela umntana wakho? How do you even begin to hate your child? Luke shrugged his shoulders. They had a long chat, chatting about anything and everything. Later, Luke had to leave. His girls were calling him none stop. He said his goodbyes and left. Nakhane and I were still sitting in the living room, on different couches. Me: ebesithini utata wakho? She got up and walked away. Me: haybo Nakhane, yindlela esizakuqhuba ngayo leyo? You wont say a word to me? She walked away, as if I was not talking. I decided to stop being pushy. She was hurting, she was disappointed and she was still in shock. The least I could give her was a little space to think. Me breathing down her neck would make her do or say things she will regret later, like her saying she hated me. I watched TV, cartoons. After about an hour, she walked into the living room and sat on the couch, staring at me. Me: hey I smiled. Nakhane: we need to get tested. My smile faded away. Me: huh? Nakhane: ndifuna ukuzazi ukuba ndime phi na. I want to know whether Im sick or not. Me: but baby, youre not sick nje. Nakhane: wazi njani? What if we are sick? What if were dying? A tear escaped her eye and she wiped it with the back of her hand. Me: okay ke, we will get tested. Nakhane: nini? We could be dying now. I took a deep breathe. Me: masiye ke, lets go and get tested. Nakhane: you better pray to God that Im HIV negative Sphesihle. I got up and went to our room to get my wallet and car keys and we left. We drove to our doctor in silence. I was so nervous. I didnt even know what to expect. How could it happen that I follow right after Sibusiso Thwanis tracks like that? How could I fall into the same trap? How could I let history repeat itself like that? I knew Nakhane still loved me and all, but testing HIV positive would be the end of the road for us. Not all marriages survive that storm. My parents relationship may have survived it, but my mother still died of depression. Not even a year into the marriage life and we stood a great chance of calling it quits, because of my dishonesty, my lies and my weakness to temptation.. All these things could be prevented, but I chose to let them take charge and ruin my marriage and my life. *Load shedding is our new enemy*
Posted on: Sat, 06 Dec 2014 11:21:13 +0000
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