Irrelationship is a two-person psychological defense system, an active shield against the anxiety that comes with allowing someone—often a loved one—to be or become important in one’s life. It is a way for people to be alone in company, to conceal themselves when baring their souls feels too dangerous. In short, it is a way to hide out from love—and from all the threats that come with being intimate, vulnerable, and exposed. Irrelationship protects those within it from the messy business of really relating, because while intimate connections promise caring, compassion, and empathy, they can make good on that promise only in a climate of emotional investment and risk-taking. Deep and meaningful engagement with a significant other is always unpredictable, so love isnt always safe. Irrelationship protects us from its dangers, but at a high price. Irrelationship is a carefully scripted enactment of old relational rules meant to keep anxiety at bay. One party gives; the other takes. One performs; the other applauds. One saves; the other is rescued. One dictates; the other complies—although in truth both are equally slaves to the imperatives of their dynamic. Love, which is never scripted, cannot grow under such conditions. Irrelationship doesnt make much room for wild cards like passion and desire. Even mutuality and intimacy are subjugated to the rules of engagement. psychologytoday/blog/irrelationship/201407/is-your-relationship-real
Posted on: Thu, 16 Oct 2014 14:09:53 +0000
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