It is another day on general surgery. I am in an operating room, huddled between a bag of soiled clothing and the nurse’s console. My goal is to stand so still that the attending physician mistakes me for just another machine. He doesnt. “So, Evan…” he begins. “What would be the surgical treatment in the context we were discussing earlier?” For the last several minutes I have been silently rehearsing the answer to this question. I recite it with aplomb. “Anastomosing the terminal ileum to the rectum, secondary to a colonic resection, sir.” “Why?” “Familial adenomatous polyposis. A genetic condition involving the growth of hundreds, or even thousands of colonic polyps, which uniformly lead to colon cancer in the absence of intervention.” The surgeon hesitates. “Good.” He says, finally. I wait a moment, heavy with this rare satisfaction. Two. “I asked the resident beforehand,” I amend, unwilling to let him mistake my circumstantial shrewdness for true fund-of-knowledge. The surgical tech gasps. “You ruined it!” He exclaims. “I wouldn’t have said anything!” The resident chimes from within her nest of instruments. “Wow,” chuckles the attending. “You messed that up.” “You RUINED IT!” The surgical tech is a Polynesian giant who never breaks sterile field despite the waywardness of his enormous bulk. Outfitted in full scrub he is a broad ocean of a man. He is not taking my confession well. “It was PERFECT, and then you RUINED IT! NEVER give up your sources!” The tech is now addressing me in the style of a prison gang boss proselytizing to a newly incarcerated acolyte. Surgical techs are unflappable and competent. I hate to disappoint them. “Why would you tell me that?” The attending asks. Though bemused, he doesn’t share the tech’s obvious exasperation. “Sorry!” I yelp, all a-sputter. Silence slowly retakes the room. “Listen,” says the attending. He is now speaking with the full gravitas of his position. “I don’t care how you came by the knowledge. I only care that you have it.” “Yes, sir.” I agree, thinking on the wisdom of this advice.
Posted on: Wed, 08 Oct 2014 23:33:37 +0000
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