Its Christmas Eve, and I just have to say that this is *honestly* the most excited that I have been about Christmas in 3 years- on December 29th of 2011 as most of you know, our Didi fell very very ill and after rushing her to the emergency department at St. James in Hornell she was diagnosed as a Type 1 diabetic and was in diabetic ketoacidosis- even though I am nurse it all hit me pretty hard and I became even more anxious than I had ever been. In March of 2012, we found out that the baby boy that I was carrying had a fatal chromosomal disorder called Trisomy 18 and after much research and soul searching, we decided to terminate the pregnancy rather than allow him to be born and suffer for any amount of time that he would have lived, if any. That was just the tip of the snowball that began to roll down the mountain of stress that hit me for the next few years- I know that I havent been easy to be around, to talk to, or to live with for the past few years..I know now that I was in a depressive state and just trying to muddle through and climb out of the shit by myself, never asking for help..or at least, not directly asking- nor in the right way- I guess that I just expected that the people who knew me best should just *know* that I needed them, and know *what* I needed from them. Ive been working on it, Im now on anti-anxiety medication and I have taken a journaling course recently to help me work through some of my feelings about placing my daughter almost 17 years ago- because although Ive always been open about that period in my life and the situation, I never really worked through the emotions and grieved fully. I know that Im still not exactly where I want to be- but Im doing better and finding the happiness in life again, Christmas hasnt been easy for me the past few years because I always looked at it more in the light of Its the anniversary of Didi getting sick soon, instead of embracing the fact that for one more year, we have been helping Didi kick diabetes ASS, one more year that she has continued to grow, thrive, and LIVE with this disease! So this year, I am basking in the joy- I have the pleasure of being home with my little girl for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day this year, I have been blessed enough with the career that I have that I am enabled to provide some great gifts for all of my girls, and my grandsons, members of my family and some special friends...I am blessed with some wonderful people in my life both near and far...its a WONDERFUL life and Im going to enjoy it and live it to the fullest!!!! Merry Christmas everyone!!!! Enjoy the time with loved ones!!!! And as an aside...some special organizations that I want to recognize, that are working steadily to help others need the support of us all that have it within our means, so that they can continue research to find a cure for diseases that afflict so many- or to help those who cant provide luxuries like Christmas gifts to their children..please see the lists below and help IF you can. kidney. org/ (National Kidney Foundation) organdonor. gov/ (Organ Donation information) redcross. org/donate/give/ (American Red Cross) cancer. org/docroot/home/index. asp (American Cancer Society) hdsa. org/ (Huntingtons Disease Society of America) parkinson. org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page. aspx?pid=201&srcid=-2 (National Parkinson Foundation) aids. org/ (AIDS research) lungcancer. org/ (lung cancer) diabetes. org/home. jsp (American Diabetes Association) alz. org/index. asp (Alzheimers Association) nationalhomeless. org/resources/local/local. html (Homeless Resources and Info) nationalmssociety. org/index. aspx (National MS Society) toysfortots.org/ (Toys For Tots) alsa.org/ (ALS/Lou Gehrigs Disease) adoptaussoldier.org/ (Adopt A Soldier) sids.org/ (SIDS) trisomy18foundation.org/
Posted on: Thu, 25 Dec 2014 00:57:26 +0000
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