Its been a while, so how about an update? Again, Im speaking plainly about this stuff, so hopefully it doesnt turn your stomach too much. :) I was still in the hospital last time I checked in. I spent three weeks there, and now, its all a blur. When I got home, I actually cried - it felt unbelievable to finally be out of there. What were we dealing with? I had my ileostomy bag to deal with (not a colostomy, remember, as I now have no colon), two drains stuck in my belly to drain infection, the wound itself, held together with foam and the strongest tape ever, with a wound-vac attached to the outside to suck the wound closed, presumably to heal the wound faster, and finally, the picc-line, the Lamborghini of IVs to administer antibiotics. I had so many things hanging off of me that it still felt very weird. Might want to skip the next paragraph if youre uncomfortable with me talking about the ileostomy bag. Fair warning! The ileostomy bag is about six inches wide and about nine inches long, and the stoma (the part of my small intestine that is now on the outside of my body) is a small quarter-sized guy, and the bag fits over on top of it to collect the waste. A colon is a pretty important part of your digestive system - it not only compresses but absorbs a lot of the water in your waste so it is (for the most part) solid, so when its time to go no. 2, its typically a pretty drama-less affair. So what is it like with what I have to deal with? First off, I cant tell you how strange it is to not have to poop, let alone fart. Its such a normal part of life that, at least for the next few months, I dont deal with. Instead, since theres no colon, the poo is a lot less formed, and it comes out, well, randomly. Theres really no pattern, except a couple of hours after I eat, stuff happens. The more embarrassing thing is when air comes out. I have absolutely no control over it. You know when you have the little sounds that come from your stomach from time to time? Its like that, only louder. Yeah, wow. Because I was so weak, my nurses had to empty this thing for me. And by nurses I mean April, her mother, my dad and my brother, Christian. When it comes to my wound, the doctor had a wound-vac on, and it was supposed to suck the wound closed so it will heal faster. What they’re also known for is sucking the small intestine UNDER the wound, so now there’s a hole at the bottom of the wound leaking poop into the wound. Now, according to my doctor, this is very common with these wound vacs, so they’d taken it off and we have had to do wet/dry dressings using gauze like the old days. The good news is that this hasnt been as restricting as the wound vac was, so I’ve been able to get around much better. The bad news is that the wound is healing slower than it would if the wound vac was still attached, meaning I still need constant changing of this dressing (about every 2-6 hours, depending on whatever the hell my body ends up doing. Seriously, there’s no damn pattern at all, which is frustrating.) The other issue with it is the constant fear of leaking, um, stuff, onto the dressing, or onto my shorts, or whatever seems to be in the way. Its challenging for sure. I went back to work at the end of June, but not as a field rep - Im actually working at the corporate office now. Im so thankful for this, because I have no idea how I would deal with things if I had to change the dressing in a Walmart bathroom. As it is, its still a challenge to deal with this thing day to day. The bag isnt a big deal at all, really - it can be noisy sometimes, but for the most part, I barely have to think about it. The dressing, though - think about you being at work and constantly having to check to see if something is leaking all over your shirt or your pants. Its not smelly, thankfully, but on bad days, I have to change this thing like 4 or 5 times in an 8 hour day. Depending on how bad the leak is, it might be 15 or 20 minutes to get the wound cleaned and dressed. Everyone I work with is really cool about it, but I absolutely hate this. Ive always prided myself in being the guy without drama, the guy you never have to worry about, the guy whos always on time. Unfortunately, that doesnt exist right now. For an example, today I changed my dressing first thing, ate my breakfast, got ready for work and then as I was ready to walk out the door, early mind you, I look down and its leaking. I change it and get out the door 10 minutes later. I sped all the way to work, pulled into the parking spot at work 1 minute late, walked as fast as I could, got up to my floor, looked down and its leaking. And not just leaking, its gotten my shirt wet. I go into the bathroom and change it. When I finally sit down at my desk, Im 25 minutes late. You have no idea how much this irks me. So thats all physical - how am I mentally with all this? Lately, Im pretty positive, but the first few weeks by myself were very challenging. With April in Singapore and me going back to work, it made no sense to have Aprils mom or my Dad and Christian here staying with me, since I wasnt here. That meant I had to do everything myself, wound changes, bag changes, shopping, laundry - pretty much everything. (Ill be honest, I havent spent much time sweeping and mopping, for sure!) But it was the fact that there was nobody here to distract me. I had all this time, but so much of it was spent changing the dressing or preparing to change the dressing or shopping for things to change my dressing. It wears on you, not really being able to do the things you want to do. And Ive definitely had my days of pure frustration and anger and sadness, but I just have to find things to get myself out of the funk. Last Sunday, I went and saw Guardians of the Galaxy by myself. Most of you know that Im a huge movie dork, and this was the first time in months that I risked going to a theater. For two hours and change, I was able to sit there and enjoy myself, and almost forget that I have no colon, that the dressing probably needed to be changed, that my wife was in another country, that my life had been changed so inexplicably and completely. For me, the theater is a haven, a place of contemplation and peace, somewhere you can forget your troubles for a while. And I have to say, when I left, I cried. Wept, more like. It had been so long since Id felt so normal. Im sure that it might sound crazy to cry after seeing a movie in a theater, but Im telling you, it was such an amazing feeling to me. And of course, the movie was great, too! So Ive got another week and I visit the doctor again. Hopefully something can be done to stop all the leaking, and when this wound closes completely, its three months or so before the surgery that will put everything back to where its supposed to be. April comes back in three weeks, and I havent said enough about how much I miss her. But Im doing okay, about as good as can be expected. At this point, its just a waiting game. If youve gotten this far, youre probably wishing Id shut up, but one more thing - the one thing Ive noticed is how Im more patient. And I get angry less, especially in the car. But another thing Ive noticed isnt about me at all. Its how unhappy other people seem to be. Believe me, it could be worse! If and when I get back to normal, itll be really difficult for me to ever take being healthy for granted again. So hug your sweetie, hug your kids, hug your parents, and just enjoy it!
Posted on: Fri, 08 Aug 2014 02:37:46 +0000
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