Its been brought to my attention by someone very close to me that they have been drilled by others about my FB persona matching my real life persona. People say you seem fake. No one can have such a blessed life of sunshine and butterflies. This isnt the first time Ive heard this. My own kids tell me that everyone thinks Im fake. We have discussed this before at length and I feel a bit helpless. They tell me that I shouldnt be so kind and helpful and sunny, they said people wont judge me as fake. What the hell? In reality I know that those people judging me behind my back are really judging themselves, comparing and leveling, but it still stings a little. It hurts to be called fake when I know that everything I am, everything I do is genuine. I truly want to love and help everyone and its not for anything in return, only to hopefully brighten someones day and make a tiny difference in how people feel about themselves. I want to help. Ive had people tell me that Im a chameleon and that terrifies them. That I somehow change who I am to fit the current persons wants or needs and that because of that they dont feel as though they can trust me because Im too good to be true. Again, :-( I have enemies. It seems more and more lately, but after reflection I know that those people either leveled me into their enemy or religious or political differences (just being atheist and not hating the president, democrats, gays, poor people, cats or game requests etc.) I dont believe I have done one single thing to anyone to create an enemy. Its strange to me that I can bend over backwards, go completely out of my way for anyone, love unconditionally and forever, completely take care of people/their kids/their animals when they needed help, work daily to try and balance the needs of the people closest to me and the needs of friends and even strangers, and somehow they can find a reason to attack me and make me look like a horrible person. Im completely and genuinely honest when I say this. Not only have I never harmed them in any way, even after taking abuse after abuse but I have HELPED each of them anytime they have needed it, many times instinctively, without them ever having to mention that they were in need. I never make anyone feel that they owe me or that I am somehow above them because they needed help. I know I dont have to explain to the people who really truly know me, who I am. My own kids who have relayed these things to me know that I truly AM this genuine, most all the time. Im not fishing for praise, comments or compliments. I just want to clear up the questions. Shitty things happen in my life all of time, just as many shitty things that happen in all of your lives. I dont hide my non perfect life from FB. Trust me when I say that I make a point of opening up to people about my shortcomings and problems because I always want to make people feel like they are normal and not alone, human, so that they can feel more comfortable talking about and hopefully work through their own stuff. I do this because I really truly do care about each and every other human on this planet. I want to make a difference in their lives and allow you all to make a difference in mine. I want to spare you all the drama and negativity of my daily issues and sometimes I dont post some of those things because there are other people involved and I dont want to publicly shame or embarrass them. I WANT you all to know that I am fallible. Thank you for reading this. You have to admit, I havent posted a novella in a while. ;-) I was going to include my last weeks issues but since this post is so long I will do that in the next one. Love you all and thank you for listening and sticking around. ❤️
Posted on: Fri, 01 Aug 2014 14:52:18 +0000
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