Its impossible not to find your mind drifting back to what you were doing minutes, hours, days before an unexpected tragedy. You cant help but wonder what you could have done differently, what you missed, or how incredibly special that last phone call, meal, or text ended up being... Two years ago today was a collection of lasts: last time I had coffee with Paul, last family dinner, last great conversation, last text, last goodnight. And I had no idea. There was nothing overly special about that day - Paul replaced the toilet seat while I cooked Sunday dinner - yet I remember the whole thing in slow motion as if it were yesterday. When they say you should live every day as if it were your last, its not advice against your own sudden and unexpected demise. Its in case your life takes some gigantic hairpin turn, and that day becomes one that you will remember in detail for the rest of your life. Its okay to have the vision of the last text be $32.95, (the price of the new toilet seat) seared in your memory. Thats life. What you dont want is for any of your last memories to be filled with harsh words, ill feelings, or missed opportunities. All of our last memories of Paul are pretty standard fare, but all are coloured with love and laughter, hope and happiness. Even as we all hid in the next room while he cursed the builder for putting the tub too close to the toilet. Tomorrow marks a difficult day for us. Were mostly planning to hide - we manage to keep it together most of the time, but tomorrow is not likely to be one of those times. It really does feel like yesterday - it still hurts as if no time has passed at all. So the world can wait while we catch our breath and purge some tears. See you Thursday. Alex and the kids.
Posted on: Tue, 16 Dec 2014 13:59:44 +0000
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