Ive always been unsure... extremely unsure when I was much younger, of my identity. What I mean is who I really am... and Ive been okay with that, because lots of us have gone through our whole lives not truly thinking about ourselves and then one day, when were much older, we realise that maybe we shouldve done some figuring out earlier. Maybe we wouldve made different choices, maybe we wouldve fought harder for what we wanted, maybe we wouldve given up what we didnt want to let go. I think about everything you can ever imagine. Then one day, I went back to thinking about myself. The choices I made, and the events (that I couldnt control) that came thereafter, did I know who I was? Now at that time I was a little older, I thought maybe I kinda figured out a part of myself that I could put into place for now (there was a possibility that I could be wrong). I thought, Okay, Im choosing this because its what I want and I have a backup plan if I dont like it...well sorta. Id say Im an adaptable person,hence those thoughts. Years went by and numerous things happened and all the while I felt unsure; if this was the path I had the ability to take, because the outcomes I got were very unsatisfactory and it was a huge hit to my self-esteem. I value my self-worth a lot, and I always made sure that I felt great about myself; nasty words have hurt me, but they have never managed to create holes in my soul. So bearing that in mind, I didnt take those failures to heart and continued to soldier on. However, at the back of my mind, I knew very well, what my failures were and I accepted that. There was this defining moment of my life that settled questions on a topic I knew, but didnt bother too much about, lgbtq. Ive had opinions that stayed the same till that particular day and after facing that topic head on, I realised it wasnt such a big deal after all. It was like I looked through a crystal clear pond and saw the bottom was teeming with life. I felt relief at being able to put it down, because I accepted it. At least a part of my life was settled, amidst all that change, I considered myself a straight ally. Friends were able to confess to me that they were lgbtq and I was happy that I could be one less wall blocking their way, forging a stronger bond. Speaking to a group of close friends, I found that some were allies too and others were neutral on that topic, to each his/her own, and it never affected our friendship. Later on, that those who were neutral (and maybe a lil disapproving) had a different view: they wouldnt mind if they found out they werent straight, meaning that they were perfectly fine with each others choices. We dont take things too seriously, you see, so we know how each of us feel about our gender issues and we accept each others preferences: some of us are on varying parts on the lgbtq spectrum. Im not sure about mine though, I think I could possibly be attracted to either gender (due to some prior attraction to certain people). I wont define myself by labels and Im fine with that. Ill see what happens in the future. I feel at home, floating about in the middle, where Ive always been. I always knew I wouldnt be tied down, a wanderer. I think...maybe thats who I am.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Jul 2014 04:01:01 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015