I’ve had a couple of days or so to think about things. It usually takes me that long to absorb things, and settle down upon an opinion. I think I’ve done that with regard to my PET results. I really had no idea what to expect from the PET since the last period got so screwed up Based on the severe pain I was having, I knew it was possible that the cancer had spread in a really bad way, but the doctor assures me that didn’t happen (which doesn’t exactly explain the pain which is in the exact spot he says the one tumor has grown $20). When I was walking yesterday in the woods, I went to areas that I’ve not been since I was in high school. I loved those woods and they brought me so much peace then, as now. I was able to clear my mind and piece some of this together. The doctor is recommending another round of six chemotherapy treatments. This seems unthinkable to me, and when I asked him what he thought would happen if I didn’t do the chemo, he said that he didn’t know. I can’t imagine having to go through three more months of chemo, especially if it is not going to work that well. I am, perhaps childishly, that the chemo would KILL ALL OF THE CANCER. This is not the oncologists stated goal, however, and the treatments are life-extending only. Considering how much pain I am in, just from the small amount the tumors have grown, leads me to believe, I’d not last long at all if I did go through another round of chemo. Since Dr. Kassem cannot say what would happen if I didn’t go through more chemo, I take that to mean, it is possible, however unlikely, the cancer would reduce and heal. I mean, what if I had all of my natural resources? What if my body were not weakened and compromised? Could it fight and kill the cancer on its own? I think it is possible, and I don’t think it would be extremely unlikely either. The doctors are in life-extending mode, and they have to be. With the disease I have, the protocol is such that it is incurable. For me, my friends and family however, we hope endlessly that I can be completely healed, and I continue to believe that. I will continue to believe this all the way to my death bed. So, if I decided at some point, not to continue the chemo, I wouldn’t see it as giving up. I would see it as trying something else, perhaps something very dangerous, but there comes a point where quality of life must enter into the equation. And let me tell you, the quality of my life on chemo is not much to speak of. One hope that Dr. Kassem spoke of, is the fact that I didn’t adhere to the chemo schedule. A full month went by between treatments one and two of this last round (This was Christmas and New Year’s). The rest of the treatments were on time. He says, considering this fact, and the fact that the cancer has not grown more than it has is a positive sign. So, as unthinkable as it seems to me, I am going to commit myself to one more round of chemotherapy starting next week. I am also going to commit myself to missing no treatments. I am also going to try some holistic ideas that so many people believe in. Finally, I am going to start training on my bicycle – every day, just like I were training for a race (much much less intensity, but very consistent). Basically, I am going to do everything I can to go through this three month treatment doing everything possible under the sun to get the cancer to reduce, or even eliminate. If, at the end of this period, the cancer has not reduced, I will not undergo another treatment. At that point, I will let nature takes it course without the intervention of chemotherapy.
Posted on: Wed, 02 Apr 2014 15:19:44 +0000