Jack- I wonder if you would be taller than Dad by now. I know thats not saying much, since hes not very tall at all, but Id like to think you would have gotten the growth spurt you were hoping for. Or would I still be reassuring you that a lot of my male students kept growing between 10th and 11th grade. Would I be teaching you to drive or would Dad? You said you couldnt picture yourself driving. Was that prescient, or was it just a random thought? What would you be reading in school? Would you let me proof your essays for English, or would that have been too touchy and tense between us? Would you be interested in the same things (baseball, acting) or would you have found something new like crew, debate, or guitar? I think I told you once that girls love a guy who plays guitar, right? Speaking of girls...its really hard to picture your getting the nerve to ask a girl to go to a dance, but thats the thing. You wouldnt be a shy 12 year old any longer. And you were no stranger to the ladies. Would you have found your place in a big high school, or would we have moved you back to private school? I can TOTALLY picture you at a pep rally or on a spirit day, getting into it with your friends, wearing stupid clothes and thinking it was hilarious. What would it be like for you to be in the same high school as Margaret next year? Would you two acknowledge each other in the hallways? Would Dad and I have bought you a junky car to drive her to school in, or would I still drive the two of you each way, the way I did for so many years? Would your friends be like big brothers to Margaret, the way Uncle Johns were to me? Would I ever get to experience what Ive always heard about, loud, stinky teenage boys eating all my food? I cant imagine you and Margaret trying to share the small hall bathroom in our new house. There would probably be yelling. But I guess we wouldnt be in this house if you were still here. We kept your old bathroom, our old house, until we couldnt do it anymore. I think you would understand. Its just so hard to fight against the feeling that we left you behind. I see your friends pictures on Facebook, and I try to imagine what these days would be like for you. I can guess that classes would come easily for you, as they always did, but what about the rest of it? Friends, love, your faith? I just cant know any of it. What I do know is that I miss you with every part of myself, those on the surface and those hidden within me. I miss what was, what should be, and what could have been in the future. I love you, Jack, and LOVE NEVER DIES.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 03:10:06 +0000
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