Just been asked .... Where did my name come from ! One day whilst bimbling in the woods looking for raspberries and blueberries I fell over a tree that had been hit by lightning As I tripped I gained a splinter in my knee About three weeks later , the splinter gave me an infection I had to go to A and E where they kept me in for observation I was visited by the tropical disease team from Indonesia They sent students from around the world as they had never seen what happened next What happened next was my leg swelled like a bag of helium balloons for sale for 30p in Wrexham Town Centre when the eisteddfod is on It transpired that I had the human version of Dutch Elm Disease in my knees I was put on a drip of Cuprinol because it does what it says on the tin Anyway. Weeks later and they thought I was getting better as my colour came back , Rich Mahogany But then horror of horrors and they found wood lice in my shin They increased the treatment if Cuprinol and I had to go on a diet of MDF shavings and PVA glue Things got better and they were able to make a bedside table and an Ikea computer table from the growth However as wood became more expensive they decided that they needed to chop my knees off for forest sustainability I got a box of swan vestas as a souvenir and a thank you letter from the red topped sulphur brigade They decided that they would make me a new carbon fibre prosthetic leg and this was guinea pigged by a guy called Oscar , apparently he fell and they dont know if he shot or shit so the planned operation was put on hold I now am almost fully recovered but have to go to the local timber merchants once a month to have my acorns trimmed The Acorn trimmers noticed I was shrinking and one day I saw that they had changed my name to Stumpy Now you tell me you got your name
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 22:29:32 +0000
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