Just got a phone call from my Oncologists office. My tumor markers went from 4.6 to 6. I am trying so hard to not be frustrated, but I have been fighting this awful disease for almost 8 years and with every failed chemo it gets harder to pick myself up. I know that in the end the chemos will work for a short time and then fail. You then get to the point where nothing works. I did adriamycin/cytoxan, and taxotere eight years ago. I was given Femara and it worked five years. I had a recurrence to the bones and I did Faslodex for a year, then Xeloda which worked months. Next we switched to IV chemo therapies. I tried Gemzar, but it made me terribly sick. Next I tried Erubilin which only worked a couple of months. The last chemo I have been on has been Abraxane and it has worked for six months, but now it appears it is losing ground. My doctor gave me the option of getting into a trial or going to MD Anderson a few months back, but I know he is one of the top Oncologists in the state and he can get me whatever chemo he determines might work. I have to say I am very angry with cancer. In addition to the patient suffering and worrying, it affects your whole family and I hate you cancer for that. I am afraid I am getting to the point where everything will stop working and I am not done with life. I want to see my grandchildren grow up and grow old with my husband. I am only 56 so the odds of that happening are unlikely. I am sorry to put my family through this but (please excuse my expletive) damn cancer is always on my back. I know I am fortunate to have had eight wonderful years, but its not enough. Im not ready to stop the fight and I wont stop until my last breath. Please pray to your higher being for my family. Please pray to give them comfort and ease their pain. I will not go quietly. I refuse to quit. Someone please find a cure so other families will not have to go through this agony. Thanks for listening.
Posted on: Fri, 01 Nov 2013 20:13:03 +0000
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