Katie Davy writes: We are trying to teach manners to our 3 yr old, yet my husband finds loop holes (blames it on the dog when farting, lets out loud burps when Im not in the room.) How do you teach the husband and the son at the same time? Dear Its hard being the only one in the house without a penis, First of all let me commend you for thinking you still have a chance. Youve hung in there 2 yrs longer than I did. So, for you I have a story. Once upon a time, in a land far far away called the U.P., there lived a girl named Ebeth. Ebeth loved all things girly. One day Ebeth went on a blind date which she only went on for a free dinner. Ebeth fell madly in love with that boy and 1 yr later they married. Some short time after Ebeth and that boy had 12 minutes of fun. 9 months later they had a son. 10 months later Ebeth and that boy had another 12 minutes of fun and 9 months later Ebeth had another son. Where once there was pretty candle holders there was now a dead deer on the wall. Ebeth grew to love camo and dart guns where she once loved pink and glitter. She gave up girls shopping weekend for pheasant hunting and together she and all her boys lived happily ever after. Look.....I feel your pain...I really do. But, I am here to give it to you straight Ebeth style. Boys are boys whether they are 3 or 40. I was once like you....trying my hardest to explain why sniper crawling down the isle of a grocery store was inappropriate. (My sons.) Or why we should say excuse me after we rip one and crop dust the old ladies playing bridge at the Country club. (My husband.) Or that if you have to pee outside please find a tree and dont just go off the deck while Im sitting at the patio table eating a sandwich. (All of them.) I feel like if Gander Mtn. and a frat house had a baby, that baby would be my house. Welcome to life inside Lamba Kappa Kowieski. I tried my hardest early on to civilize my children, but wanna know what happened? I became jealous of how cool my husband was. No matter how hard I try...and trust me....Ive tried.....I cant compete. I cant build bike jumps like he can, I cant wrestle them like he can, I cant throw them way up in the air when we are in a swimming pool like he can, I cant ski fast like he can, and I have never been able to arm pit fart like he can. Its just not fair. I felt like he was getting all the glory and I was just like the annoying voice in an airport that you hear over and over.....wash your hands, hang up your jackets, put your shoes under the bench, flush the toilet. So one day I had a lightbulb moment....you know like a When in Rome do as the Romans do. Only more of a When surrounded by non-stop frat boy antics do as the frat boys do. Genius. I had a family meeting and decided we would have several ground rules. All must obey. #1. Underwear must be worn at the table. Or at least pants or shorts. Im fine with commando as long as I cant see anybodys penis while Im eating my grilled chicken. #2. After pooping flush the toilet. If you feel that your poop is something your brother needs to admire whether for its size or stink, that is fine. However, after you and your brother have high fived over how huge your dump is the toilet is to be flushed and all parties must wash hand with soap. From that point forward the poop is to no longer be discussed. #3. Burping the ABCs will never be done in front of any grandparents or dinner guests. If you feel that you need to see which family member can get the farthest in the alphabet it needs to be only in the company of our immediate family. #4. You may fart on each others heads but never mine. Again, only in the company of our immediate family. #5. Do not blame your smells on any of our family pets. I do not want to be walking the dog in -5 degree weather trying to get her to poop when the culprit was a human Kowieski. Not a canine Kowieski. #6. Utensils, napkins and cups will be used. We dont live in a cave. These are just a few short easy rules my husband and kids must follow. As your son gets older you can have a set of Never do this in front of anybody but our family rules. My kids are now old enough to understand what I think is hysterical, may not be hysterical to others. Oh....to be a fly on our wall....the fun you would have! Before you and your family set your Do as the Davys do rules it is best to sit your husband down and agree on them together. If your husband wants to touch your boobs ever again...he does as you wish. And since he probably does, he will agree to your rules. You just need to present your issues very straight forward to your husband. Such as Look honey. As much as you and our son like living like college Rugby players, I dont. So, here are some things that are gonna change. Slowly but surely you too will adapt to living inside a frat house...and who knows...maybe someday you will be able to down a can of coke and burp all the way to the letter R.
Posted on: Mon, 05 Jan 2015 02:51:41 +0000
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