LAWYERS TO AVOID. You met him in prison. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you shares in HCU.. He tells you that his last good case was a CARIB. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. He picks the jury by playing Simon says. During the trial you catch him playing Candy Crush.. He asks a hostile witness to pull my finger. A prison guard is shaving your head. Every couple of minutes he yells, I call Grey Goose to the stand! and proceeds to drink a shot. He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger. He places a large No Refunds sign on the defense table. He begins closing arguments with, As Ally McBeal once said . . . He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra. Just before trial starts he whispers, The judge is the one with the little hammer, right? Just before he says Your Honor, he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers. The sign in front of his law office reads Practicing Law Since 2:25 p.m. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, Whatever. He giggles every time he hears the word briefs. And pulls down his zip.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 15:39:40 +0000
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