Last night, Kelli and I visited Mom for the last time at the nursing home where she has been living for the past 11 months. Fifteen minutes after we gave hugs and said our love you’s and goodbye’s, the nurse called to inform us that Mom had taken her last breath and that it was very peaceful. At 5pm, when we first arrived at the nursing home, Mom was in bed asleep. We woke her up and talked to her a little bit, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open for very long and we had to get pretty close to be able to hear her. Throughout our visit, she nodded in and out. Every time she came to, she would ask what time it was and say “it’s too early to go to bed” and she talked about getting up and going for a smoke, but she just didn’t have the energy. She made a comment about not even being able to smoke anymore which I confirmed when I checked her stock and discovered that she hadn’t smoked much at all this week. Mom has been suffering for the past 4, almost 5 yrs since she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. It has been a long, hard road, in and out of hospitals, treatments, and nursing homes. It is amazing what she has endured and survived. We have watched her get better and get worse, time and again. So, when we found her in bed resting on a Sunday evening, we were kind of glad that she was letting herself rest rather than sitting around hating her life, like she has been doing for so long. We suspected that something was wrong because she wasn’t her usual talkative self, craving a cheeseburger and going outside for a few smokes, but considering what she has overcome, we figured she was just feeling under the weather and would recover, like all the other times… On Monday, I met Mom at her cancer Dr. appt and she was her usual self. He informed us that her brain MRI did not show any cancer but did show signs of 2 small strokes. He wasn’t too concerned and didn’t give us further instructions, but he did order her a PET scan (to check the rest of her body for cancer) and made some changes to her pain meds (per her request). I didn’t hear from her all week, but she had called Kelli to confirm that we were planning to visit on Sunday. I know she has been praying hard for God to have mercy on her, to finally end her suffering. I feel like she waited for us to visit her on Sunday and then she waited for us to leave, to spare us the pain of watching her die. I’ve heard stories about people’s experiences with a loved one’s last moments, but this is the first time I’ve experienced it myself. It is difficult to express in words how it feels – like it all happened how and when it was supposed to... Per her wishes, she will be cremated today. I am trying to plan her service for Wed evening and will post the details as soon as I have them, which will be this afternoon after I meet with the funeral home. It will be at Evans in Milford. Thank you all so much for your love, support, prayers, and kind words. It means the world to us. Even though we knew this was coming, it is still so hard and so heart-wrenching. Our friends and family make it bearable. Rest in Peace, Mom. No more suffering. No more worries. We will love you forever.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 16:11:40 +0000
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