Last night was the most restless night Ive had in a long time!!! People tend to gauge the closeness of a friendship or relationship by who they see together all of the time. I have MANYYYYY cousins on both sides and Im very close with many of them that may be 4th, 5th or 6th, but were still family and I recognize them all! I say all of this because Im sitting here reflecting and a heart full of hurt because I will be witnessing yet another cousin be laid to rest today. There was NEVER a time where I didnt see her or her parents and we didnt show each other love or recognize each other and the fond memories I have of visiting them as a child in Lucy will stay with me forever!!! For YEARSSSSSS, we said we were going to get everyone together for a family reunion... we never acted on it and I personally dont want to lose another soul in order to gather our family together again. I know FIRST HAND, the feeling of the unknown and not knowing when my number will be called, but having cancer is not an automatic death sentence, ANYONE can leave this earth in a mere second and NO ONE knows their time or place. Im very thankful to still be here making memories and enjoying the fact that Im not where I once was, in my journey with cancer. Im not free of it, but it doesnt have a hold on me, it doesnt make me put limitations on my life. I thank my family and friends who fought till the very end for helping me in my own battle by displaying so much strength, courage and resilience. There are sooooooo many to name but I know they are still with me every step of the way and I know I will see them again. I remember the day my cousin Rachelle told me she was ill and we prayed together before ending our conversation. When I saw her two weeks ago, we reflected on that conversation and I never felt that would be our last conversation. Yes, Im heartbroken, among many other feelings. Yes, it placed a certain fear in my mind after hearing of her passing...it gave me the sickest feeling ever and I havent been right since then. However, I KNOW she is FINALLY resting and she has peace. I KNOW leaving her parents behind was so hard for her, especially being their only child!!!! Thats been my only and worst fear throughout my own journey, leaving my children and husband behind. No matter what, you still worry about that. Im asking that each and every one of my family and friends, please keep my cousin Rachelles parents Dickey & Ann in your prayers during their time of grief and the many days to follow. Im also asking for your prayers for me today because my strength isnt here right now and this one too, is a very hard one to endure! To each of my family and friends, please KNOW, I LOVE YOU!!!! It doesnt matter if we havent spoken in a while or if we talk every day...I LOVE YOU! May you continue to be blessed in every area of your lives. Loving you forever, Nikki, Nakia, Nikki Lou, Kia (whatever name youve addressed me as) :) Have a blessed day and continue to make GOOD memories every chance you get!
Posted on: Sat, 27 Dec 2014 15:55:22 +0000
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