Lately, the number one question I receive from parents is about advice. Can you give me any advice or strategies to help me parent my child with autism? Its such a difficult response because every child is so different, and because of the differences, we tailor our parenting to meet the needs of each child. I am one of five, and my father had a different relationship with each of his children. My mother certainly parented my brother differently than she did me. Children require different approaches and supports for success. This is why answering those questions can be particularly challenging. (Im still working on the potty training post because it falls in this category.) The other day, while at therapy with the bear, I heard a mom ask a similar question to her childs therapist. The therapist, probably for the reasons I mentioned above, gave the mother some broad, general responses. I sympathized with both of them. I could see neither were satisfied with the conversation. I watched the therapist struggle to get the boy to walk to her room, and watched mom fall into a slump on the chair. She had a brown, frazzled bun, and darkness under her eyes. Im fairly certain she had stolen my wardrobe. Yes. She was wearing my yoga pants and sweatshirt. I knew that far off stare and broken down sigh well. Fifty minutes. Fifty minutes to come up with a plan, figure out your child, life, make some calls, a list, send out a smoke signal for help. Whatever needed to be done, the moms in the waiting room had fifty minutes until their children came back, until go time. One of the things the therapist told the mom was, Think outside the box. I needed an icebreaker. How can I go from being a stranger to not in 60 seconds? *Think, think* Oh, right. Woo them with attention and a preferred item. Me: Would you like a treat from my goody bag? I flashed my bag open at her, I have gum, organic gummy bears, lollipops, chocolate, peanut butter, apples, water, a frappé, gluten free crackers, a copy of Special Kids, Special Diets, my kids IEP, and tissue.... *insert toothy, grin* You know that laugh? The one you muster up by unexpected events, but ends up being just enough to start the waterfall of tears? That. I slid down in the chair beside her, doling out tissues as she sobbed. After awhile she started pouring her life out, one familiar story at a time. I listened, gathering intel. Finally, I said, Truth? There isnt a box. Think outside the box-- there isnt one. Theres you and him. Trying to approach every aspect of what you explained all at once is impossible. Choose your top concern. The thing that needs to change today. Start with that. Trying to do too much sets you both up for failure. Choose one. I gave her tips, strategies, explained some of the behaviors as I saw them, and by the end she was smiling. She was calmer. I could see her wheels turning. She kept saying, I think I can do this. Of course you can, you have too. Anyway, the exchange had me thinking of you, yes you. I am going to start blogging about your questions. All the behavior questions you send in-- Im going to write about them. So, send me your issue, something youd like feedback on, and I will post about it.
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 02:30:53 +0000