Learning to Let Go When I became a parent, I didn’t realize - TopicsExpress

Learning to Let Go When I became a parent, I didn’t realize that I would be faced with so many new learning experiences. I always knew that bonds are built and that change is inevitable. I just didn’t figure on having to let go. On March 16, 1981, I was blessed with the presence of the most beautiful little girl. Christina had strawberry blonde hair, big blue eyes, and white creamy skin. I remember looking into her eyes and telling her that I will always be there to teach and guide her through life’s learning experiences. With this said, I had several opportunities. It was April of 1982 when Christina decided that she wanted to learn how to walk. I remember taking both of her hands and guiding her step by step from one side of my parent’s living room to the other side. When I tried to let go, she would hold her own for one quick second and fall. When I looked into her big blue eyes, it was as though she was saying please don’t let me go. I would pick her up and say let’s try it again. After several more attempts, she finally made it to the sofa. I remember the look of excitement on her face as she took her hands and tapped the sofa. We both knew that we accomplished a very big task. Christina was 3 years old when we decided that it was time to learn her A B C’s. She would say “A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I W, X, Y, Z. What do you think of me?” I remember being so excited that she was on her way to learning her A, B, C’s. I would say, “Great job Christina,” Now, let’s say it again and try to remember the J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, and U & V.” She would look at me with those great big blue eyes and ask “why?” I would have to explain to her that they are also part of the alphabet, and we can’t learn or spell without them. We were at McDonalds when Christina was able to say the whole alphabet. I remember clapping my hands and telling her that she did it. Again, we were able to accomplish another big task. Christina was 5 years old when she started kindergarten. I was during the second half of the year that her teacher had requested to meet with me. Her teacher was concerned that Christina wasn’t able to keep up with the rest of her class and that I might want to consider holder her back another year. I remember telling the teacher that I wanted to work with her first, and that I felt confident that she would be ready for 1st grade. Her teacher gave me a list of things that Christina needed to work on. As I was reviewing the list at home, I remember getting very frustrated. I felt as if I had let Christina down and that it was my fault that she was failing. I knew that Christina wanted to learn. It was just hard for her. She would sit and cry and I would only make it worse. I couldn’t understand why she was having such a hard time. I remember telling her that she wasn’t trying hard enough. I thought I was going to lose my mind. It took several long nights, which turned into weeks before Christina finally understood all the items that were required of her. I remember the day that I picked Christina up from school and she came running to me with her report card. I knew from the look on her face and the twinkle in her eyes that we accomplished another big task. Time flew by, and before I knew it, Christina was in high school. As the years went by, my help wasn’t always needed. I felt as if though I was losing my daughter. I think we both knew the next four years would be challenging and eventful. We had many new things to look forward to. One of the many new things that we faced was learning how to drive. I was a nervous wreck. I really didn’t want her to drive and she was determined that she was going to. When she came back from her driving test, I could tell by the look on her face that she would no longer need a ride and that I wouldn’t have someone depending on me as much. I’m not really sure that I was happy about this. Christina was growing up and leaving me behind. Again, we accomplished another big task. Christina was 18 and it was a Thursday afternoon. Everyone was preparing for the big event. I’m not sure that I was ready to watch my oldest daughter graduate. I can still see the excitement in her eyes, as she got ready for her big day. I remember arguing with her about what she was wearing and how that it should be a little more formal. She was telling me to get a life and deal with it. She wanted to be with her friends before the commencement, and I wanted her to be with me. I ended up giving her a small speech on how to walk and watching her drive away at the same time. As the time approached for the Ironwood graduates to come across the football field, I was trying so hard to find her. I finally got a short glimpse of my now blonde hair little girl. She was walking with her best friend, and I could see the smile on her face. I knew that she was proud of this very special day. As the names were being announced, I was getting very anxious. Then I heard it, Christina Lee Fox. She walked across the stage, and at that moment, I hoped that she would know that I was very proud of her. When it was over, all I could do was rush to the football field to find my little girl. It felt like it was eternity before we came face to face. No words were said. We hugged each other and cried, as we knew that we had accomplished another big task. As I watched her walk away to be with her friends and to celebrate a milestone in her life, I knew that my little girl wouldn’t need me as much as I still needed her. I finally had to face the fact that she was growing up and I needed to let go.