(Lengthy) Doctors orders - spend 30 min. per day relaxing (relaxation CD, book she gave me, breathing app, etc.) or I wont be recommended for the pain management program that Ive been trying to get into for the past 4+ months. Apparently I put everyone/thing first in my life and dont take care of me. My schedule is packed and is booking up even more now that the boys have more activities starting up and I need to drive to town at least two times a day. I love my life (just not the neck/shoulder pain); which I am trying to manage without the use of medications. Suggestions were: move closer to town (which would require us to sell our acreage/dream home we built); switch schools so that my kids can be bused; befriend & hire neighbors that can drive our children for us each day (or hire family); remove our children from their activities; spend time away from my children (less stress if you get me time that is not caregiving OR working), etc., etc. Overall the theme was to focus on me. Put me first and if I cannot do that, then Im not serious about my care or the program. Ive spent most of my life thinking about the needs of others. I didnt have children so that I could pawn them off on everyone else such as parents, grandparents, neighbors, friends; we are their parents and we provide for them. Besides, its unrealistic to think that anyone would drive out here to take our children into town each day. And to switch schools? Really...that wouldnt disrupt their lives at all? Or remove them from their activities? Chase for one has been dancing and playing piano for many years. It is a part of who he is. If I take that away from him, I take it away from all of us because itll leave a void. Its also been a huge part of the incentive for him to keep his grades at such a great level; yeah....not happening...activities are staying. The question I ask is this. Why should I have to change the life I love, the life Ive built, all because of several people hitting me in these accidents? Nothing was my fault. So because I was hurt, I should have to rearrange everything I know in order to make things better? Im trying very hard to see this from all sides here. Ive had many psychology classes; Im not ignorant to the fact that my doctor is trying to treat my PTSD and help me to help myself. But really, is this the best approach? Im looking for some intelligent direction/advice here because I feel I am at a crossroads. I go to my appts. every 2 weeks and now its getting to the point where I feel as if I am a failure or let down because I havent done what she has asked of me. I was told if I dont start making some of these changes (things to take care of me / improve my life), her notes are reflecting this and I wont get her recommendation for the program. If you took the time to read this, thanks!
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 14:14:05 +0000
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