Leviticus 1:7 (SEC Translation) The Burnt Offering 1 The Lord called to Moses and spoke to him from the pressbox of meeting. He said,2 “Speak to the SEC and say to them: ‘When anyone among you brings an offering to the Lord, bring as your offering a team from either the Mid-American or Conference USA. 3 “‘If the offering is a burnt offering from the herd, you are to offer a male without too many defects, considering the inferior conference you happen to be playing. You must present it at the fifty yard line of the stadium of meeting so that it will be acceptable to the Lord. 4 You are to lay your hand on the quarterback of the burnt offering, and it will be accepted on your behalf to make atonement for your lame scheduling in the ninth month in the Year of the Lord. 5 You are to slaughter the young team before the Lord and 90+ thousand rabid fans and then Saban’s sons the priests shall bring the leftovers and splash it against the sides of the goalposts at the entrance to the stadium of meeting. 6 You are to skin the burnt offering and cut it into pieces. 7 The sons of Saban the priest are to put helmets on the altar and arrange shoulder pads on the fire. 8 Then Saban’s sons the priests shall arrange the pieces, including the offensive coordinator and the defensive coordinator, on the wood that is burning on the altar. 9 It is a burnt offering, an ESPN offering, an aroma somewhat pleasing (but will have to suffice) to the Lord.
Posted on: Sun, 08 Sep 2013 02:09:43 +0000
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